“When you realize you don’t have to commandeer everything, it’s a lot less pressure.” Meet Dancing Queen Member Cherisa Jones

Name: Cherisa Jones
Age: 35
Location: St. George, Utah
Kids: I have two kids, a four-year-old girl and an 18-month-old boy

Tell us about you…What’s one fun fact about yourself?
When I was 16 years old was a magician’s assistant. I didn’t do any of the harder routines, but mostly I just disappeared! I never got sawed in half, but somebody else in the show did. It was fun, I grew up in Branson, Missouri and it’s kind of like a little Nashville so they do a lot of different types of shows and I came across the audition through my dancing.

Do you work outside the home? What do you do? 
I am a modern dance and creative movement and I do it specifically in the evening so that my husband can be home with the kids.

What do you do for fun?
I really like hiking, I live in a really dry and warm area, so we can hike pretty much all year round. Utah’s beautiful for hiking.

 

When do you, do you know the respectful parenting path was important to you and why? 
When my oldest was born,  I was reading a bunch of different things like about breastfeeding or anything I could find on parenting. My husband found Janet Lansbury’s podcast, and he passed it to me and said, “Hey, this is highly rated. Why don’t you try this?” So I started listening to it and she talks about even an infant being a whole person and the way that she teaches to talk with them really resonated with me. The way that to talk to children like people and relate to them instead of like talking at them, it’s just a completely different way of relating to an individual regardless of their age. I really appreciated that.

What led you to this group?
I had been a part of Janet’s Facebook group for R.I.E. and when it got disbanded I was looking for another one to join and I found your R.I.E. for Older Kids group. From there I decided to join the book club because my daughter went through a period of just screaming at her little brother and she still does it sometimes. So I was trying to seek her out how to deal with that.

Did you have any “aha” moments with your own kids?
Again, it’s just the talking to them and it seems so simple, but even how they talk about relating during caregiving times like bathing and diaper changes. Just talking them through it and you really see them responding more. It’s totally different because changing a diaper where you’re just throwing things around and trying to get it done as fast as possible versus actually trying to connect with them. And that was different for me and taught me how to involve them in their own care.

What are your big goals for parenting this year?
I think I’m trying to meet my kids where they’re at, especially for my oldest, because I’ve never been through any of this with anybody else, but it just seems like she’s changing daily and I find myself wanting to be resistant to that because it’s so easy to be in the routine of I’m used to this now – I’m used to the way you were a couple of days ago and I don’t want you to have more personality or more opinions yet.
It’s like “I’m comfortable where I am and now you’re gonna make me learn again?!” I’m trying to find more ways that I can pull back and let my kids find more ways to be themselves instead of me directing them – to just step back and trust.

What’s a really good parenting day look like for you? 
If at mealtime they can eat some healthy food and we’re outside a lot playing. That’s a pretty good day.

What’s a typical day in your life?
I’m an early bird, I’m usually up at 5:00 or 5:30 partly because my youngest usually wakes up about then. A few different days a week I’ll go either to yoga or to a dance class. My husband and I alternate mornings so that we either get to sleep in or do whatever we want. Then I come home and around seven we do breakfast and do we do chores. The kids will usually just run around and do their own thing, read books or whatever. I try to get out in the morning with the kids for an hour or two and then do lunch before my son goes down for a nap. My daughter goes to preschool and during that time I usually try to choreograph or lesson plan for class. In the afternoon we play some more and get dinner ready. When my husband comes home and we do bath and storytime. The kids go to bed at 7:00 and then I chill and read in the evening and then I go to bed.

What’s the most important thing in your life outside of kids and family? 
I’m really trying to do a lot of self-care like yoga and meditations. I’m trying to strengthen my social network with different moms and just getting involved in other things.

Do you have a biggest challenge with parenting?
I think for me it’s facing my own discomfort around difficult emotions, like anger and jealousy or not wanting to share and that sort of stuff. That’s difficult for me.

What is the most important skill you’ve learned since you’ve found respectful parenting?
I think awareness. Just where my thinking is because of all of the different things that I’ve read. It’s brought comparison to me of where I was and where I’m aiming to be. I started working in preschools when I was 19 or teaching dance when I was younger than that and I thought I had learned a lot then. And now I’m doing it differently than I thought…. its such a big contrast to me – how I thought it was supposed to be done versus the way that I believe now, but I want to treat my kids right, so I keep learning.

What’s been your greatest reward in the choices you’ve made to do this? 
Allowing myself to pull back and trust my kids that they can do things themselves. When you realize you don’t have to commandeer everything, it’s a lot less pressure to not need my kids be my masterpieces and also for them to not have to feel like they need to always meet my expectations. Letting them have their own identity frees up a lot of space for all of us. And I’m crossing my fingers for them!

What’s one new thing you’re hoping to learn from other members?
I like that you’re asking the different questions in the group and that we can actually talk through it as a group and individually.  It adds another layer of depth whenever we just do it with other people instead of just on our own, it’s a great way to learn and feel supported.

Cherisa is a member of our subscription parenting group, Raising Awesome Humans.  To join, participate and grow, visit www.go.respectfulparent.com

What about Cherisa‘s journey is similar to yours? Different? Let us know your story in the conversation below! 👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽