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Sibling Arguments Resolved – What it Sounds Like.

May 20, 2016

Sometimes mornings car rides with siblings are so hard!  With a little skill and a lot of patience, sometimes they can be saved just in time for school. Here are 3 sibling arguments that happened in the car ALL IN ONE CAR RIDE! I made some errors, but as you can hear I recovered and peace was restored. For context – my daughter is 4 and my son is 7.  Thanks for your input as I experiment with voice recording!

Active Listening to a Sibling Argument

This is how I went wrong and recovered trying to Active Listen to my kids’ argument on the way to school. My daughter was upset because it was dress-up day at my son’s school and a whole slew of accidents happened following a rough wake up for her. I used way to strong of a word and my son DID NOT like it!

https://respectfulparent.com//wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Bully-shush.m4a

 

A Disagreement Resolved Just in Time

This was how my kids chose what book on tape to listen to when they both disagreed on choices.

https://respectfulparent.com//wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Book-on-tape-choice.m4a

 

Problem Solving When My Youngest was Hangry

This much longer conversation went into problem-solving after some active listening. Notice she wanted me to stop talking and then as we were getting out of the car (you can hear me unbuckling her car seat) she started talking again.

https://respectfulparent.com//wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Anna-and-puppy-pancakes-problem-solving.m4a

Categories: Development 2 Comments / Share

« Raising a Thoughtful Child
Parents’ Needs MATTER!—The Art of Self-Care and Respectful Parenting »

Comments

  1. Tiffany says

    May 20, 2016 at 11:14 am

    I love listening to your family, Kelly! ? Thanks for sharing this way!

    Reply

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  1. Mean Things Kids Say - and What they REALLY Mean - Respectful Parent says:
    January 5, 2018 at 1:00 pm

    […] at these “insults” through this lens we can see these situations as the emergence of healthy conflict. When conflicts are shut down prematurely, when children are called mean or disrespectful, even […]

    Reply

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Daily Parenting Inspiration

My youngest finished 8th grade yesterday; my oldes My youngest finished 8th grade yesterday; my oldest will be a senior, and that has me feeling lots of things!

 Here are my thoughts:
My job as a parent is changing.
One child is about to become a senior in high school, and the other is starting high school, and somewhere along the way, I crossed into a whole new phase of parenting: preparing my kids for adulthood.

These days, parenting feels less like managing every detail and more like slowly stepping back so they can learn to manage their own lives. Which sounds beautiful and inspiring until you’re sitting in the passenger seat while your teenager says, “I got it,” approaching a yellow light. 😵‍💫

We’ve entered the season of job applications, making appointments, missed alarms, learning lessons the hard way, and me trying very hard not to immediately swoop in.

And honestly? It’s emotional.
Because while they’re becoming more independent, I’m also realizing I get to start thinking about what’s next for me too. My goals, my work, my marriage, my next chapter.
This phase feels a little like letting go with one hand while reaching forward with the other. 

I get to just be their friend a lot more while making sure they'll be a good roommate and spouse in the near future.

I'm close to working myself out of job and I honestly think I'm ready for it!

#parentingteens #parenteffectivenesstraining #growingupfast
“My child is not giving me a hard time… my child i “My child is not giving me a hard time…
my child is having a hard time.”

That one shift changes everything.

Less: “Why are they doing this?”
More: “What’s going on for them?”

Hard behavior is often just… hard feelings.

When we see the struggle,
we respond differently.

Less reacting.
More supporting. 💛 #respectfulparent #sandiegomoms #parenteffectivenesstraining #attachmentparenting #rie #PositiveParenting #parentingtips #DefianceOrMisunderstanding
“I didn’t say it was your fault… I said I blame yo “I didn’t say it was your fault…
I said I blame you.” 😅

When kids blame, it feels personal.

But it’s usually not about being right…
it’s about letting out big feelings.

Blame =
“I’m frustrated.”
“I’m overwhelmed.”

Before correcting, try connecting:

“You’re really upset.”
“That was hard.”

Less defending.
More understanding. 💛
“Children do well when they can.” So when they’re “Children do well when they can.”

So when they’re not…
It’s not about won’t.
It’s about can’t (yet).

Less: “Why are they acting like this?”
More: “What’s getting in their way?”

Skills take time.
Emotions get big.
Brains get overwhelmed.

And in those moments,
they don’t need perfection…

They need curiosity - not furiosity. 😋💛

Yup, I made up a word.

#respectfulparent #childrendowellwhentheycan #drrossgreen #parenteffectivenesstraining
End of school = chaos… Then suddenly… no structure End of school = chaos…
Then suddenly… no structure 😅

Or camp… to camp… to camp.

Summer is fun ☀️
But it can also mean:
more pushback
more “I’m bored”
more sibling stuff
more BIG feelings

And when routines change, behavior usually does too.

The good news?
You don’t need more control… you need better tools.

✨ listen without shutting them down
✨ set limits without the battles
✨ handle big emotions (theirs + yours)

Less surviving
More thriving

My summer Parent Effectiveness Training class is coming up 💛
Drop a ☀️ and I’ll send details!

 #respectfulparent #sandiegomoms #parentingtips #parentingmiddleschoolers #PositiveParenting #attachmentparenting #rie #parenteffectivenesstraining #RespectfulParenting
Oof. This is a hard one sometimes! Share your exam Oof. This is a hard one sometimes! Share your examples of a time this happened 🙏🏼🙈
I'm just reading the book "Untangled -Guiding Teen I'm just reading the book "Untangled -Guiding Teenage Girls Through The Seven Transitions into Adulthood" by @lisa.damour ,  and I love it. This one struck a chord with me so I thought I'd share. It's from the section "The Pull of Popular."

What does “popular” actually mean?

Because when you look a little closer, the kids who seem the most “popular” aren’t always the most liked. Sometimes, their influence comes from social power, not genuine connection. And that can come with a lot of pressure—on everyone.

This can be a powerful conversation to have with your child.

Not in a lecture-y way, but with curiosity:
“Do kids actually like being around her, or are they worried about being on her bad side?”
“What makes a friendship feel good to you?”

Helping kids think beyond popularity and toward the quality of their friendships gives them something much steadier to stand on.

Because in the long run, feeling safe, accepted, and able to be yourself matters a whole lot more than being “popular" and then you may just hit that sweet spot of being "popular" because you are well liked!

 #parentingtips #sandiegomoms #respectfulparent #raisingteenagegirls #parentingmiddleschoolgirls
We have dreams for our kids. The friends we hope We have dreams for our kids.

The friends we hope they choose.
The sports we hope they love.
The grades we hope they earn.
The path we quietly map out in our minds…

And then they grow.
And they choose.

Sometimes differently than we imagined.

And that’s where it gets uncomfortable.

Because the real question becomes:
Are we raising children who follow our path…
or children who can find their own?

Letting go doesn’t mean stepping back completely.
It means shifting roles.

From director ➡️ to guide
From fixing ➡️ to listening
From telling ➡️ to being available

It means offering wisdom when it’s invited,
and trusting them enough to figure some things out on their own.

That’s not easy.

But that’s where confidence is built.
That’s where ownership grows.
That’s where they become themselves.

Not a version of us.

If this hits home, this is exactly the kind of skill we work on in Parent Effectiveness Training—how to support your kids without shutting them down.
My next class starts in less than two weeks:
☀️ Tuesday Mornings
🗓️ April 7th – May 26th
⏰ 9:30 am – 12:30 pm (Pacific Time)
📚 Eight classes
And of course, I'm still working on this!

Reg info in first comments/bio 👇👇
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