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The Secret to Staying Calm when You’re Mad

April 14, 2019

angry child

We work hard to raise independent kids. We cultivate their skills, listen to their worries, and peacefully handle their resistance.  But we are also human.  And we, as parents, have big feelings too.  … Continue reading

Categories: Behavior & Discipline, Big Kids (6-12), Development 1 Comment / Share

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Daily Parenting Inspiration

“My child is not giving me a hard time… my child i “My child is not giving me a hard time…
my child is having a hard time.”

That one shift changes everything.

Less: “Why are they doing this?”
More: “What’s going on for them?”

Hard behavior is often just… hard feelings.

When we see the struggle,
we respond differently.

Less reacting.
More supporting. 💛 #respectfulparent #sandiegomoms #parenteffectivenesstraining #attachmentparenting #rie #PositiveParenting #parentingtips #DefianceOrMisunderstanding
“I didn’t say it was your fault… I said I blame yo “I didn’t say it was your fault…
I said I blame you.” 😅

When kids blame, it feels personal.

But it’s usually not about being right…
it’s about letting out big feelings.

Blame =
“I’m frustrated.”
“I’m overwhelmed.”

Before correcting, try connecting:

“You’re really upset.”
“That was hard.”

Less defending.
More understanding. 💛
“Children do well when they can.” So when they’re “Children do well when they can.”

So when they’re not…
It’s not about won’t.
It’s about can’t (yet).

Less: “Why are they acting like this?”
More: “What’s getting in their way?”

Skills take time.
Emotions get big.
Brains get overwhelmed.

And in those moments,
they don’t need perfection…

They need curiosity - not furiosity. 😋💛

Yup, I made up a word.

#respectfulparent #childrendowellwhentheycan #drrossgreen #parenteffectivenesstraining
End of school = chaos… Then suddenly… no structure End of school = chaos…
Then suddenly… no structure 😅

Or camp… to camp… to camp.

Summer is fun ☀️
But it can also mean:
more pushback
more “I’m bored”
more sibling stuff
more BIG feelings

And when routines change, behavior usually does too.

The good news?
You don’t need more control… you need better tools.

✨ listen without shutting them down
✨ set limits without the battles
✨ handle big emotions (theirs + yours)

Less surviving
More thriving

My summer Parent Effectiveness Training class is coming up 💛
Drop a ☀️ and I’ll send details!

 #respectfulparent #sandiegomoms #parentingtips #parentingmiddleschoolers #PositiveParenting #attachmentparenting #rie #parenteffectivenesstraining #RespectfulParenting
Oof. This is a hard one sometimes! Share your exam Oof. This is a hard one sometimes! Share your examples of a time this happened 🙏🏼🙈
I'm just reading the book "Untangled -Guiding Teen I'm just reading the book "Untangled -Guiding Teenage Girls Through The Seven Transitions into Adulthood" by @lisa.damour ,  and I love it. This one struck a chord with me so I thought I'd share. It's from the section "The Pull of Popular."

What does “popular” actually mean?

Because when you look a little closer, the kids who seem the most “popular” aren’t always the most liked. Sometimes, their influence comes from social power, not genuine connection. And that can come with a lot of pressure—on everyone.

This can be a powerful conversation to have with your child.

Not in a lecture-y way, but with curiosity:
“Do kids actually like being around her, or are they worried about being on her bad side?”
“What makes a friendship feel good to you?”

Helping kids think beyond popularity and toward the quality of their friendships gives them something much steadier to stand on.

Because in the long run, feeling safe, accepted, and able to be yourself matters a whole lot more than being “popular" and then you may just hit that sweet spot of being "popular" because you are well liked!

 #parentingtips #sandiegomoms #respectfulparent #raisingteenagegirls #parentingmiddleschoolgirls
We have dreams for our kids. The friends we hope We have dreams for our kids.

The friends we hope they choose.
The sports we hope they love.
The grades we hope they earn.
The path we quietly map out in our minds…

And then they grow.
And they choose.

Sometimes differently than we imagined.

And that’s where it gets uncomfortable.

Because the real question becomes:
Are we raising children who follow our path…
or children who can find their own?

Letting go doesn’t mean stepping back completely.
It means shifting roles.

From director ➡️ to guide
From fixing ➡️ to listening
From telling ➡️ to being available

It means offering wisdom when it’s invited,
and trusting them enough to figure some things out on their own.

That’s not easy.

But that’s where confidence is built.
That’s where ownership grows.
That’s where they become themselves.

Not a version of us.

If this hits home, this is exactly the kind of skill we work on in Parent Effectiveness Training—how to support your kids without shutting them down.
My next class starts in less than two weeks:
☀️ Tuesday Mornings
🗓️ April 7th – May 26th
⏰ 9:30 am – 12:30 pm (Pacific Time)
📚 Eight classes
And of course, I'm still working on this!

Reg info in first comments/bio 👇👇
My daughter was venting to me about a recent pract My daughter was venting to me about a recent practice…
and of course, I did what many of us do.

I offered a solution, "I mean, you don't really need to go next time; it's optional." 

Her response?

“Mom… I just need to complain, not fix it. I'm still going.”

…Heard. 😅

It was such a good reminder.

When kids come to us upset, our instinct is to help. To fix. To make it better. But sometimes all of our great ideas land like this:

🚪 door closes
😶 conversation over

Because what they actually needed wasn’t a solution.
It was space.

Space to vent.
Space to feel heard.
Space to figure it out themselves.

And when we jump in too quickly with advice, it can unintentionally send the message:
“You can’t handle this.”
or
“Your feelings need fixing.”

Even when that’s the last thing we mean.

Sometimes the most helpful thing we can say is:
“That sounds really frustrating.”
“Ugh, that’s tough.”
“I’m here.”

That’s it.

No fixing. No coaching. No life lesson.

Just connection. 💛

(Still practicing this over here, by the way 🙋‍♀️)

If this hits home, this is exactly the kind of skill we work on in Parent Effectiveness Training—how to support your kids without shutting them down.

My next class starts in less than two weeks:

☀️ Tuesday Mornings
🗓️ April 7th – May 26th
⏰ 9:30 am – 12:30 pm (Pacific Time)
📚 Eight classes
And of course, I did what many of us do.
Reg info in first comment 👇👇

Come learn how to listen in a way that actually keeps your kids talking.

 #PositiveParenting #parentingclasses #ParentEffectivenessTraining #respectfulparent #rie #attachmentparenting #sandiegomoms #parentingtips
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