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5 Keys To An Easier Morning Routine

September 12, 2018

School is starting back up and lots of families are struggling with the morning routine. Setting yourself up for success creates less rushing, mornings will go smoother and who knows, maybe you’ll even get to school and work on time.  A child that feels rushed and stressed in the morning will be predisposed to anxiety at school and drop-offs will be harder.  Creating some space for connection, a slow routine and tools that empower independence will make mornings better for everyone. Here are some tips on how to make your morning go faster:

Start Day with Connection

One reason mornings go wrong is that kids haven’t had their bucket filled up. Instead, it’s been emptied by to do lists, orders, rushing, and stress.  Starting the day of slowly and gently can really help kids start the day with a full bucket and positive outlook.  At our house, we start of the day when I get into bed with my sleeping kids, still sipping my coffee, mind you, and just snuggling with them. Sometimes we talk, sometimes we don’t and eventually, it transitions into what they might wear that day if it wasn’t already laid it out the night before. Other families make sure they eat a distraction-free breakfast together or read a book.  Whatever your way of doing it is, tuning in to the people involved FIRST rather than the chores to be done will make a world of difference in how cooperative those little people are.

Time to Wake Up

Not all kids wake up raring to go. Some need time to wake up and some do better with sleeping in. After asking my kids what would help them in the morning, the unanimous answer was time to wake up and be left alone.  They decided 15 minutes was enough, so after they’ve had that time, they are much more willing to get up and get moving.  This indicates to me that they need one of the three kinds of time – Alone Time (time to process) first thing in the morning.  My daughter sometimes goes so far as to cover her head with a blanket so no one talks to her. I liken this to not wanting to talk until I’ve had my first cup of coffee in silent morning bliss – I get it, she needs space.

Get Yourself Up Early Enough

Speaking of my morning coffee bliss – a critical part of having your day go well is to get yourself up and ready before the kids need to start getting ready. This eliminates one whole set of worries and you can focus on them rather than having the stress of needing to run to school with bed head and fuzzy slippers on.  Like so many things in parenting, put your own gas mask on first, then worry about the other stuff.  Take care of yourself – the rest will follow.

Visual Aids Decrease Nagging and Yelling

If you are tired of reminding your kids to brush their teeth, comb their hair, grab their backpacks and being responsible for remembering pretty much everything then a visual aid is for you. Together with your kids, make a list with fun clip art or crude drawings like mine. It’s important to include the kids in developing the routine so they have some ownership of it. That way you are doing it “with them” not “to them.

morning routine
Our very crude chart that works

However you want to do your list if fine, but the visual aid is key. Some people laminate theirs and use dry erase markers, some make cards and put them in baseball card sleeves, others use sleeve protectors.  It doesn’t matter and it definitely doesn’t have to be Pinterest Perfect, just get something up on the wall in an easy to spot location. Pre-readers will benefit from photos and the words underneath help build that word base.

The routine can include some freedom. At our house as long as the list of things gets done (that’s actually what we call them “The Things”), I don’t worry about the order in which it gets done. Sometimes shoes go first, sometimes they go last as long as it gets done I’m happy.  When I see my kids getting off track or playing and “The Things” aren’t done I go over and say “Are The Things done? What are you planning on doing next?” Sometimes a guided walk back to the list is needed to check and continue the process. It decreases my mental load by a lot having them being responsible for the list instead of me being responsible for harping about all the things on it.

Prep the Night Before

This isn’t everyone’s thing but I like prepping the night before because I hate waking up early. So we built into our afternoon routine that backpacks get unloaded and lunchboxes brought to the kitchen after school and they get repacked after dinner.  This gives me more time for that cup of coffee, of which I am clearly attached.

Those are my fairly simple tips to have mornings go more smoothly because when you start the day off well, with a slow pace, moving as a team (rather than a drill sergeant with a tiny, uncooperative army) your kids will separate from you more easily at school, be more confident starting their day and their brains will be open and ready for learning. You’ll also find that the extra time put in at first will save you more time and stress in the long-haul. A solid routing done right may also just leave your kids a little more time to play once it’s all done, thereby reinforcing all that cooperation.

Now, go start your day off right and don’t forget to set that coffee timer!

What does your morning routine look like? Share photos or comments below. We’d love more ideas!

 

You may also like:

Solving our Morning Routine (Again) – Kelly Meier, Respectful Parent

Free Printables on All Kinds of Routine Charts (no rewards here! 😉 )

How to Establish a Morning Routine for Kids that Actually Works – A Fine Parent

 

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Daily Parenting Inspiration

🚀 The Magic of “What’s Your Plan?” 🚀 🚀 The Magic of “What’s Your Plan?” 🚀

Ever feel like you’re stuck in a never-ending shoe battle? 🥴

You start with a gentle reminder… then a choice… then a consequence… then a full-on “Put on your dang shoes already!” 😵‍💫

Instead, try this: “What’s your plan for getting shoes on today?” 👟

✨ Boom—instant shift! ✨

You’re no longer giving an order (which kids love to push against). Instead, you’re giving them autonomy while still assuming shoes are happening. Now, their brain kicks in:

🧠 “Oh, do I have a plan? Nope… guess I need one!”

They figure it out, they take action, and they move one step closer to independence. 🙌

Give it a try and tell me what happens! ⬇️💬

—

💡 Want more game-changing parenting strategies? Join my upcoming P.E.T. (Parent Effectiveness Training) class!

📅 Starts Tuesday, March 25th
⏰ 9:30 AM Pacific Time (via Zoom)
✨ First class is FREE!

In this class, you'll learn powerful tools to reduce power struggles and build strong, respectful relationships with your kids.

Message me or comment below if you want details! 💙
“How dare you defy me!” 😱 Gulp.

The word “defiance” always makes me pause. What do we really mean when we say a child is being defiant?

They won’t listen.
They won’t cooperate.
They won’t do what we want.
But… what if what we want isn’t compatible with what they need in that moment? And what if their “defiance” is really just them using the only tool they have to stand up for themselves? (Because let’s be honest—kids see power being used all the time!)

What if, instead of labeling it as defiance, we listened? What if we got curious about what was so important to them that it was stopping them from helping us?

💡 Here’s an example:

Child A wears a new hat to school. Child B snatches it off her head.
Teacher takes the hat from Child A.
Child A, totally incensed, SNEAKS it back. Twice.

At first glance? Defiance.
But when the teacher listens, she learns that Child A isn’t being stubborn—she feels punished for someone else’s actions.

So the teacher gives her more information:
"The hat was distracting me while I was talking, and I needed to finish."

And just like that, the child responds:
"Well, if I knew that, I would’ve put it in my backpack. Can I do that instead? I’m worried it’ll get taken sitting out like that."

✨ BOOM. Cooperation. ✨

Instead of wielding power and getting defiance in return, the teacher communicated—and got a natural, thoughtful solution.

Isn’t communication the best?! 😍

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One of the biggest reasons I teach Parent Effectiv One of the biggest reasons I teach Parent Effectiveness Training? 👇

Because I used to wonder: Why do some kids tell their parents everything while others hide it all?

When my kids were little, I was determined to figure this out. And what I found boiled down to two simple (but not easy!) things:

✨ Acceptance & Listening. ✨

When kids feel accepted—when they know we’re truly listening without judgment, criticism, or unsolicited advice—they open up. They feel safe. They feel loved. ❤️

Is this hard? YES. Especially when they share something that makes you want to scream, panic, or hand them a 10-step plan for better choices. 😅

But here’s the thing: My kids tell me.
They tell me when they’re in a mess and need help.
They tell me when something is weighing on their conscience.
And most of the time—once they’ve been heard—they actually ask for advice.

One simple phrase that helps:
👉 “Do you want me to just listen, or do you want advice?”

If they want advice, I share it—gently. If they don’t, I zip it. (Not easy, but worth it. 😆)

And you know what? The time for advice always comes.

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Or 3-year-olds… or 5-year-olds! 😆 Does it re Or 3-year-olds… or 5-year-olds! 😆

Does it really matter if they insist the cup is blue when it’s clearly purple? 💜➡️💙

Does it matter if they say, “No, these aren’t Vans, they’re Airwalks!” 🤷‍♀️

Does it matter if they swear the teacher won’t care… even when you know the teacher definitely will?

NO. No, it doesn’t. 🙃

They’ll learn. This will pass.

I’ve learned to just say “OK” and move on. They heard me. They’ll process it (even if they never admit it). And more often than not… it sinks in. 😉

Don’t forget I have a class coming up that will help you out of power struggles like a BOSS!

Tuesday mornings, March 25th - May 20th
9:30am-12:30 PM PACIFIC TIME 

Link in bio
Tired of nagging? Here’s what actually works. L Tired of nagging? Here’s what actually works.

Last week, we talked about who owns the problem—a key part of the Behavior Window in Parent Effectiveness Training. If your child is struggling, they own the problem. Your job? Listen and guide.

But what happens when you own the problem? 🤔

Let’s say:
🚿 Your child leaves wet towels and clothes on the bathroom floor.
⏳ Your child plays Legos before school and is running late—but you have a meeting to get to.

They’re not bothered. But you are.

So how do you get them to change—without nagging, bribing, or battling?

💡 Enter the Confrontive I-Message. It’s a simple way to communicate clearly so your child actually wants to help. It has three parts:

1️⃣ Describe what you see (no judgments like “messy” or “irresponsible”).
2️⃣ Explain the impact on you.
3️⃣ Share how you feel about it.

Here’s how it might go:

🚿 Scenario 1: The Wet Towels
👩‍👧 “Hey Maya, I have a bit of a problem I could use your help with…”
(This gives your child a moment to shift into Helper mode.)
👧 “Okay…”
👩‍👧 “When wet towels are left on the floor, I don’t have one to use and have to find a dry one. It’s frustrating to do that while dripping wet.”
👧 “Oh… sorry, Mom. I’ll go pick them up.”
👩‍👧 “Thank you!”

⏳ Scenario 2: Running Late
👩‍👦 “Hey kiddo, I’m a bit worried because it’s almost time to go, and you’re not ready for school. I really can’t be late for my meeting.”
👦 “Okay, let me just add this last piece, and I’ll hurry up.”
👩‍👦 “Thank you, I’d appreciate that.”

Sound too good to be true? Maybe. Maybe not. Sometimes, kids just need to understand the impact of their actions instead of hearing nagging reminders. And yes, sometimes they still resist… but we’ll talk about that next time. 😉

✨ Want to make parenting easier? These skills take practice, but once you start using them, conflicts smooth out, parenting feels lighter, and your relationship grows stronger.

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Sometimes things like finding the shoes, not being Sometimes things like finding the shoes, not being late, making sure the homework gets done feel so urgent.

So we insist.

We rush things.

We pressure.

What if we didn’t? These moments are not emergencies. No one will be harmed if we are late to that party or even late to school. No one.

Except maybe our kids’ self esteem.

Maybe our relationship with them.

The thing is, most things in parenting that FEEL like emergencies, are not.

It’s ok to slow down.

It’s ok to revisit the homework issue when you’re in a place of compassion.

It’s ok to wait.

When we wait and recognize these moments are not emergencies, NOT reflections of us, we find that we do not send stressed children off to school, we do not have a child crying over the missing shoes or unfinished homework.

You wait, the shoe might be found, it might not.

You wait and listen about how hard, or stupid, or boring the homework is and then you figure it out. Together.

This is my mantra when I feel like rushing everyone or engaging in a power struggle.

“Is this an EMERGENCY?”

Most often it’s not. The question slows me down, helps me prioritize the people in front of me instead of the things that need to get done.

#slowdown #parenting #parenteffectivenesstraining #sandiegomom #parentingclasses #emotionalawareness #raisethechildchangetheworld #hitpause See less
This is a big one! If you want your child to tell This is a big one! If you want your child to tell you the big things, it's tricky if they hear you judge others. They may not think you will accept their own truths and stop sharing with you. 

One of the most powerful ways of showing acceptance is Active Listening. When a child expresses a problem, try not to offer advice, solutions or analyze. Just listen, reflect back what you hear, and watch them continue to think the problem through on their own. 

One of the most powerful ways of showing acceptance is Active Listening. When a child expresses a problem, try not to offer advice or solutions or analyze. Just listen, reflect back what you hear and watch them continue to think the problem through on their own. 

Sign up below:
https://respectfulparent.com/pet-course/ #parenteffectivenesstraining #sandiegomoms #sandiegoparentingclasses #attachmentparenting #parentingclasses #rie #respectfulparenting #sandiegoparents #parenteffectivnesstraining #RespectfulParenting #sandiegomom #respectfulparent
Parent Effectiveness Training is made up of a very Parent Effectiveness Training is made up of a very specific set of communication skills that enable parents to positively influence their children’s behavior. It is a blueprint for following the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you.

At the very root of P.E.T. is a belief that children aren’t bad or mischievous; they simply behave in ways that satisfy their particular needs at the moment. A baby cries because he is hungry; four-year-old sticks her hands into a can of paint and spills it on the carpet because she wants to play with the paint, to explore; a sixteen-year-old comes home later than you feel is safe because he feels a need to be with his friends.

Children have the right to meet their needs, but parents do too. It is in meeting these conflicting needs that most parent/child relationships get into trouble. Some parents insist on obedience from their children, so they get their needs met at the expense of the children meeting theirs’. Other parents, wishing to spare their children any hurt and aggravation, give in and let their children get their way, but then the parents suffer. Either way, someone is left feeling resentful of the other. It is this constant cycle of power struggles and the subsequent pent-up resentments that result that slowly begin to erode the parent/child relationship.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. There is a third option: Both parents and children can get their needs met. 

Learn More or Sign up:
Online Course Starting Tuesday Mornings March 25th - May 20th
9:30am - 12:30pm Pacific Time
https://respectfulparent.com/pet-course/
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