The following story is from guest blogger Kat Geary.
You might enjoy a story of hope about parents who disrespectfully (and worse) treat their children.
My next door neighbor has a 22 month old and 4 year old. Even the way she says their NAMES conveys her utter disappointment. She spanks, forces sharing, shames and humiliates them. Uses “sassy spray” in their mouths for “back talk.”
I left a conversation with her hitting my head against the pavement.
She had essentially said children aren’t good because they don’t yet have the Holy Spirit in them and must be taught right from wrong. I concluded that this was just too big a gap in our beliefs to bridge.
I prayed for her and her kids.
Back up to 6 months ago. She shared she was struggling to get her daughter to listen so I shared Dr. Laura Markham’s Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids with her.
She never read it. This week I was going to ask for it back.
This past weekend, I could see she was really upset. She told me again that her daughter won’t listen, she’s defiant and she could spend all day spanking her and nothing would change.
I said, “how’s your connection with K.?” She stopped what she was doing. She said, “what?” I said, “well…above all, parenting is a relationship. I find that the more connected I am to N. (my toddler), the more she cooperates with me.”
She said, “I dont know. Nobody has ever asked me that. What do you do to make the connection better?”
I tailored my response to what I know about her. I said, “it’s more about what not to do. Lots of things damage the connection like spanking, yelling, punishment.. Basically, anything that would damage your connection with another adult, would damage your connection with your child.”
I left thinking she probably thinks I’m nucking futs.
Wednesday she pulls into her driveway, rolls down the window and says she has something to tell me.
“We left the park this weekend and I came home completely surrendered. I got online and googled strong willed child. I start reading an article (by Dr. Laura) and it’s fantastic. It suggests a book and I realize it’s the book you gave me!! I realize I’ve been trying to control K. and make her perfect. I don’t want her to be like me, 31 and in counseling for the way I was treated by my mom! Within 4 hours of trying some new ways, K. was responding to me completely differently. She just started preschool today and i wish i could go get her and keep her home and start all over again. I just wanted to tell you, I’m going to need to borrow that book a little longer.”
There is hope, folks.
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Reboot Your Kids – How to Ditch Unhealthy Eating and Upgrade Your Child’s Habits, Health, and Happiness, by Kevin Geary
This gives me chills everytime I read it. I’m glad you are making a difference! Thanks for sharing Kat!
Thanks, Cookie Mama!
I remember reading this post in the FB group and I enjoyed reading it again now. How are this mama and her children doing now? I so hope she is turning things around and looking forward to a more connected and peaceful future for her family!
I also remember reading this on the FB group page, and would also love to hear an update on how they are doing. I guess just out of personal curiosity, which may not be a very good reason…
Update on this story:
Unfortunately, I don’t have a happy ending to share with you all.
No rainbows and butterflies, here.
I ended up not allowing their children to play with my daughter. I made this decision because it appeared to me that the children were taking out their feelings of being pushed around and bullied out on my daughter.
This was very hard because they live right. next. door.
The experience has also compelled me to only have children who are peacefully parented around my child, especially at this young of an age.
Another neighbor recently told me that this mom had shared a “great” parenting tip with her. “You don’t explain anything to them. You just count to 3 and if they don’t do what you asked, you spank them. It’s working great with (their son), I only have to get to 2 and he does it!”
Fortunately for us, they moved 2 weekends ago. We can finally play out front, again and in our cul de sac.