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Those Idealized Facebook Updates? Here’s the Real Scoop from Real Moms

August 2, 2014

toddler feeding herself breakfast

A post meant for giggles by Dawn Pederson

You know those Facebook updates:

idealized Facebook status update

The real scoop: it was 10am and my 4-year-old son still hadn’t eaten because “I’m not even hungry”, and he has been wearing the same clothes for three days. Cleaning up the playroom consists of getting a bunch of toys off the floor and not much else. The laundry is clean, but still in baskets unfolded. Daddy had to spend $90 at the dealership just to get a fuel cap replaced. And “relaxing” is relative; relaxing with a preschooler around is pretty different from when I was 21. I ended up sunburnt to hell and pretty cranky by the end of Saturday.

And on last Thursday morning, my son only had Oreos for breakfast.

Whenever your life feels inadequate because of reading all those horrifically perfect Facebook statuses by parents who seem to have it all down: today we call their bluff.

Our Respectful Parent bloggers got together and shared examples from their own lives.

Names have been changed to protect the embarrassed.
DH = darling husband, DD = darling daughter, and DS = darling son.

Sophia

The Facebook Post

I changed DS’s poop disaster, gave him a bath, put in a load of laundry, then we made bread together, then I vacuumed and used the carpet cleaner, then I put his laundry away, I finished making bread and made lunch and then we had a fun afternoon at the pool, after which I went for a run.

The Reality

Sounds great. Could have posted that as my status. But I would not have mentioned how, in all the craziness, I forgot to give my kid breakfast, until he asked at 11am if he could eat something now. Or how this was the one day this week I did anything productive, so I HAD to get all that stuff done. Or how my run was a total disaster, because I was hungry and dehydrated. Facebook makes it easy to make your life look perfect.

Candace

The Facebook Post

Yesterday I went to the gym for an hour kickboxing class, got acupuncture, picked up house, planned our first RV trip and played hide and seek and did puzzles with my kids. Then my husband and I went out to an amazing dinner! So blessed.

The Reality

Kids would not eat breakfast I made, I forced DD into car seat screaming, I was late picking her up from school, she wouldn’t nap but I was so tired I went down stairs to lay down so I couldn’t hear her. Kids were fighting all day so by 5:00 I let them eat an entire bag of Doritos for dinner. When we got home from dinner ants were covering the kitchen counter so we gave the kids Popsicles about 30 mins past bedtime so they wouldn’t bug us for the time we had to clean ants. It’s so glamorous!

Claire

The Facebook Post

Yesterday, the toddler and I baked scones together, then we went grocery shopping while daddy was at the dentist. He walked the entire time we were in the store and I got comments and smiles from all the old ladies about how well behaved he was. Then I made him lunch and put him down for a 2-hr nap while I cut hubs’ hair, hubs and I had a nooner, I got a shower, cleaned the kitchen and made gluten-free, dairy-free cupcakes for our afternoon play date, while hubs played golf with some guys from work. After our play date, we had a lovely home-cooked meal with a good friend, and headed home for bedtime.

The Reality

I HATE grocery shopping and Kroger stopped doing double fuel points last weekend and that was the only reason I had saved grocery shopping for Friday morning. I got DS down for a nap an hour and a half later than I should have and he only had a half a PB&J for lunch. I left the kitchen a mess when we left for the play date, arriving almost 2 hrs after the scheduled start time. Hubby’s golf game got rained and hailed out after the front nine, so he and his buddies went to Hooters. The only reason I was having dinner with a friend was because I was waiting for my dad to fly in. His plane ended up coming in 2 hours late, so I drove him after bedtime while DH waited at the airport. DS did not fall asleep in the car, so he got to sleep over an hour late and he’s now testy and sleep deprived today.

Lisa

The Facebook Post

Yesterday I ran DH to the airport, did monthly business bookkeeping, cleared my inbox, planned a new client audit, gave DD her bath, went to the store to buy groceries, bought new decorative pillows for the living room, cleaned the kitchen and still had time for a glass of wine.

The Reality

I was a hot mess yesterday and forgot to brush my teeth.

Marie

The Facebook Post

Yesterday I went to a doctor’s appointment, voted, took DS to the pool, made roasted vegetable and chickpea salad during DS’s nap, hosted a play date, and had a quiet dinner with hubs after DS went down for the night.

The Reality

DS ate his snack and lunch at the pool, snack and lunch being Cheezits, I put DS to bed 45 minutes early because he was being annoying, the roasted vegetable and chickpea salad tasted like shit, we ate it in front of the TV, and dinner was quiet because I was giving DH the silent treatment for coming home late from work.

Alexa

The Facebook Post

Today we went out to breakfast, the kids had a blast! #familyfunday #lovethem #summertimeliving

The Reality

We had to go out to eat because we had no clean dishes, we are exhausted because of nonstop summer commitments that doesn’t keep a kids schedule in mind and that neither kid ate while we were there! #itsalltrue #halfthestory #summertimecrazy #isitwinteryet?

Brenda

The Facebook Post

Yesterday I made eggs with the kids, got a haircut, picked up some food from a farm, went to the doctor, and enjoyed wine with DH after the kids went to bed. So blessed.

The Reality

DS went through an entire potty power hour without pooping and then had two huge blowouts at daycare which the teacher couldn’t disguise her contempt about, I didn’t get any work done, I forgot to take dinner out of the freezer so we ended up with takeout, I got soaked twice because I forgot an umbrella, and I ate a scone for lunch and felt nasty afterwards because a scone isn’t a good lunch.

Sandra

The Facebook Post

Yesterday, I made my child homemade breakfast before I went to Home Depot, Jo-Anns, and Fred Meyer to pick up supplies to finish DIYing DS’s room. Once we were home and DS was snuggled down for nap, I installed a mirror, sewed some curtains, primed a dresser and cleaned my entire downstairs, all while doing the laundry. Then I gave DS some water play time in the backyard before bedtime, where we read two books together before I tucked him in and turned on some Jim Brickman lullabies to lull my sweetheart to sleep.

The Reality

I didn’t get my kid out of his crib until 10. “Homemade breakfast”= 2 frozen waffles and a banana. DS was totally chill through the first two stores, then threw a massive fit in the parking lot of the third store because he was so done. “Installing a mirror” = drilling four holes in the wall and calling it good even though it is REALLY crooked. “Sewed some curtains” = tried to figure out how to thread the sewing machine for thirty minutes before giving up. “Primed the dresser” means I set up the dresser in the garage to be primed. Then I did the one dish from breakfast, and let the dog lick up the crumbs. I moved the laundry I had started yesterday from the washer to the dryer. DS woke up from nap and refused to eat anything but animal crackers. I shut him in the backyard with the hose on so he would leave me alone for five seconds. I only read the titles of two books to him before he threw them. Then I turned on the lullabies full blast to drown out the screaming that went on for FOUR HOURS.

Janice

The Facebook Post

This morning DH made breakfast, we went to the farmers market, bought organic produce and now I get to have the afternoon to myself while DH and DS go out. Feeling so lucky.

The Reality

We really cannot afford eating organic all of the time, we came home a little after DS’s nap and he might miss it, DH is having terrible pain in his knee and he tries to suck it up for his career and his family and this morning I drove which is super unusual when we are together but he went straight to the passenger seat which tells me his pain was probably big. Then my kid acted aggressively with his brother probably out of jealousy but I couldn’t find that much empathy because I am super exhausted and feel sleep deprived.

Shelly

The Facebook Post

This morning my kids woke nice and late at 7 AM. After I fed my baby I made hash browns and eggs for my family and then went for a 1.5 mile run! Now I’m getting ready to go to the zoo with my dad and sister.

The Reality

I could not fall asleep last night so stayed up until 1:30 watching crappy TV. I only made that breakfast because I wanted it and would have let my family eat whatever. Then when I left for my run, I had to pry my crying 2 year old off of me and leave him clinging the door shouting “I want my mama.”

Miranda

The Facebook Post

This morning I went to the store and bought fresh organic fruit to make smoothies for my girls. DD picked out matching shirts for them to wear. How cute is that? Then I cleaned the kitchen, did some laundry, and let the girls play while I took a shower. #blessedlife #summerdays

The Reality

For the 3rd fucking time the milk from Trader Joe’s has gone bad before its expiration date and so we had nothing to eat in the whole house and I had to drag my tired husband out of bed at 7 so he could sit with a crying baby and a 2 year old screaming “I want smmmmmoooottthhhiieeeee!!!!!!” While I went to the store, DD threw a fit because she wants to wear winter clothes, but it’s going to be 90 today so I convinced her to wear summer clothes by saying she could match DD2 that way. Then I realized we are out of diapers so I did some laundry. I cleaned up the rotten milk cereal (did I mention I actually served it to my kid first?!?) and put them in separate rooms with gates so I could shower alone. Now I’m hiding in the bathroom, naked, typing on my phone.

toddler feeding herself breakfastSarah

The Facebook Post

Similarly I posted this picture to FB this morning as DD wanted to feed herself breakfast.

The Reality

She only did so because I’m hung over and couldn’t stand the screaming at 7am, it was then followed by screaming because I wouldn’t hold her while she was covered in oatmeal, screaming because I cleaned her up, screaming because I changed her diaper and screaming because I put her back down for a nap before 8am.

Annette

The Facebook Post

Yesterday, we had a fantastic family breakfast, I made our dinner in the slow cooker, then visited old friends for the morning. Had a lovely lunch out and a fun afternoon in the garden in the sun. After our delicious prepared dinner, both kids in bed and now relaxing with a glass of wine. So blessed.

The Reality

The kids screamed all through breakfast because they were tired and I wouldn’t let them eat chocolate cake. Both kids fell asleep in the car to our friends, therefore ruining naps. Kids weren’t happy at friends house because they had just woken up and there were too many people. They main lined biscuits (cookies). We had lunch out because the kids needed to eat before naps. We ended up in Ikea. DS only slept 15 mins rather than 1.5hrs. I threw the kids in the garden saying play by yourselves and let them both jump on a trampoline without a net. Neither ate the slow cooker meal. Despite starting bath and bedtime by 4:45pm, neither kid was asleep until 8pm after much screaming, crying, rough handling, shouting and general despair. Wine was medicinal.

Barbara

The Facebook Post

Woke up and hung out in bed with my DH and DD. Got up and we all decided to go to the park and then to the zoo. On the way to check out a new furniture store she slept peacefully in the car. Wandered around the store for a bit and then drove home. DD took a 2 hour nap while I went to visit our favorite consignment store and got lots of new clothes for DD for a smokin’ deal, food shopping and then to CostCo. I came home and then we did a puzzle, played outside and then DD showered, we had dinner and she went to bed so DH and I could have some time alone.

The Reality

Woke up at 5:15 to my child screaming my name after she woke me 5 times during the night. Hung out in bed with my DH and DD because I was too tired to move. Got up and DH decided to take DD to the park so that I could get some rest but she was adamant that I go and who can say no when their DD asks you to come to the park with her when lately she just keeps telling you to “go away”. Once at the park we decided it would be a nice day to go to the zoo so rushed home, packed up and went to the zoo before it got hot and humid. On the way home we decided to check out a new furniture store where she slept peacefully in the car until she woke up and we realized that we made the wrong choice. Wandered around the store for a bit and then she had a meltdown so we fought her to get in the carseat and drove home. DD took a 2 hour nap while I went to visit our favorite consignment store and got lots of new clothes for DD for a smokin’ deal, food shopping and then to CostCo. I came home and then we did a puzzle that elicited a huge meltdown when she could not do it by herself, played outside and then DD showered. When it was time for dinner she had another meltdown b/c she did not want dinner. There was a flash flood and to calm her we let her play in the rain for 40 minutes and when it was time to go to come in she lost her mind again. We all watched 15 minutes of Frozen for the 7 millionth time and she peacefully went to bed so DH and I could have some time alone. And I somehow fell short of my 20k step goal today.

Bridget

The Facebook Post

I did 50 minutes of Tae Bo at 5 am this morning.

The Reality

…with my 3-year-old running between my “triangle” (legs), using my feet as a pillow and telling me what I was doing wrong when she wasn’t asking if I was done, yet or demanding that I “talk” in the middle of my work out.

Anne

I really can’t decide what to write. It’s been all so awful lately. My kid literally pooped on the floor tonight.


Give us your “perfect” and not so perfect versions in the comments section below!

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Daily Parenting Inspiration

🚀 The Magic of “What’s Your Plan?” 🚀 🚀 The Magic of “What’s Your Plan?” 🚀

Ever feel like you’re stuck in a never-ending shoe battle? 🥴

You start with a gentle reminder… then a choice… then a consequence… then a full-on “Put on your dang shoes already!” 😵‍💫

Instead, try this: “What’s your plan for getting shoes on today?” 👟

✨ Boom—instant shift! ✨

You’re no longer giving an order (which kids love to push against). Instead, you’re giving them autonomy while still assuming shoes are happening. Now, their brain kicks in:

🧠 “Oh, do I have a plan? Nope… guess I need one!”

They figure it out, they take action, and they move one step closer to independence. 🙌

Give it a try and tell me what happens! ⬇️💬

—

💡 Want more game-changing parenting strategies? Join my upcoming P.E.T. (Parent Effectiveness Training) class!

📅 Starts Tuesday, March 25th
⏰ 9:30 AM Pacific Time (via Zoom)
✨ First class is FREE!

In this class, you'll learn powerful tools to reduce power struggles and build strong, respectful relationships with your kids.

Message me or comment below if you want details! 💙
“How dare you defy me!” 😱 Gulp.

The word “defiance” always makes me pause. What do we really mean when we say a child is being defiant?

They won’t listen.
They won’t cooperate.
They won’t do what we want.
But… what if what we want isn’t compatible with what they need in that moment? And what if their “defiance” is really just them using the only tool they have to stand up for themselves? (Because let’s be honest—kids see power being used all the time!)

What if, instead of labeling it as defiance, we listened? What if we got curious about what was so important to them that it was stopping them from helping us?

💡 Here’s an example:

Child A wears a new hat to school. Child B snatches it off her head.
Teacher takes the hat from Child A.
Child A, totally incensed, SNEAKS it back. Twice.

At first glance? Defiance.
But when the teacher listens, she learns that Child A isn’t being stubborn—she feels punished for someone else’s actions.

So the teacher gives her more information:
"The hat was distracting me while I was talking, and I needed to finish."

And just like that, the child responds:
"Well, if I knew that, I would’ve put it in my backpack. Can I do that instead? I’m worried it’ll get taken sitting out like that."

✨ BOOM. Cooperation. ✨

Instead of wielding power and getting defiance in return, the teacher communicated—and got a natural, thoughtful solution.

Isn’t communication the best?! 😍

Want to learn tools to listen, set boundaries, and solve problems so your home is full of more love and cooperation?

📅 Parent Effectiveness Training – Online
🗓 Tuesdays | March 25 - May 20
⏰ 9:30 AM - 12:30 PM

Join me! Link in bio. 👇 #ParentingForMoreJoy #CommunicationWins #DefianceOrMisunderstanding #parenteffectivenesstraining #RespectfulParenting #ParentingTips #respectfulparent #PositiveParenting #rie #parentingclasses
One of the biggest reasons I teach Parent Effectiv One of the biggest reasons I teach Parent Effectiveness Training? 👇

Because I used to wonder: Why do some kids tell their parents everything while others hide it all?

When my kids were little, I was determined to figure this out. And what I found boiled down to two simple (but not easy!) things:

✨ Acceptance & Listening. ✨

When kids feel accepted—when they know we’re truly listening without judgment, criticism, or unsolicited advice—they open up. They feel safe. They feel loved. ❤️

Is this hard? YES. Especially when they share something that makes you want to scream, panic, or hand them a 10-step plan for better choices. 😅

But here’s the thing: My kids tell me.
They tell me when they’re in a mess and need help.
They tell me when something is weighing on their conscience.
And most of the time—once they’ve been heard—they actually ask for advice.

One simple phrase that helps:
👉 “Do you want me to just listen, or do you want advice?”

If they want advice, I share it—gently. If they don’t, I zip it. (Not easy, but worth it. 😆)

And you know what? The time for advice always comes.

#ParentingForMoreJoy #ListeningMatters #ParentEffectivenessTraining #ParentingTips #PositiveParenting  #parentingclasses #RespectfulParenting #attachmentparenting  #rie
Or 3-year-olds… or 5-year-olds! 😆 Does it re Or 3-year-olds… or 5-year-olds! 😆

Does it really matter if they insist the cup is blue when it’s clearly purple? 💜➡️💙

Does it matter if they say, “No, these aren’t Vans, they’re Airwalks!” 🤷‍♀️

Does it matter if they swear the teacher won’t care… even when you know the teacher definitely will?

NO. No, it doesn’t. 🙃

They’ll learn. This will pass.

I’ve learned to just say “OK” and move on. They heard me. They’ll process it (even if they never admit it). And more often than not… it sinks in. 😉

Don’t forget I have a class coming up that will help you out of power struggles like a BOSS!

Tuesday mornings, March 25th - May 20th
9:30am-12:30 PM PACIFIC TIME 

Link in bio
Tired of nagging? Here’s what actually works. L Tired of nagging? Here’s what actually works.

Last week, we talked about who owns the problem—a key part of the Behavior Window in Parent Effectiveness Training. If your child is struggling, they own the problem. Your job? Listen and guide.

But what happens when you own the problem? 🤔

Let’s say:
🚿 Your child leaves wet towels and clothes on the bathroom floor.
⏳ Your child plays Legos before school and is running late—but you have a meeting to get to.

They’re not bothered. But you are.

So how do you get them to change—without nagging, bribing, or battling?

💡 Enter the Confrontive I-Message. It’s a simple way to communicate clearly so your child actually wants to help. It has three parts:

1️⃣ Describe what you see (no judgments like “messy” or “irresponsible”).
2️⃣ Explain the impact on you.
3️⃣ Share how you feel about it.

Here’s how it might go:

🚿 Scenario 1: The Wet Towels
👩‍👧 “Hey Maya, I have a bit of a problem I could use your help with…”
(This gives your child a moment to shift into Helper mode.)
👧 “Okay…”
👩‍👧 “When wet towels are left on the floor, I don’t have one to use and have to find a dry one. It’s frustrating to do that while dripping wet.”
👧 “Oh… sorry, Mom. I’ll go pick them up.”
👩‍👧 “Thank you!”

⏳ Scenario 2: Running Late
👩‍👦 “Hey kiddo, I’m a bit worried because it’s almost time to go, and you’re not ready for school. I really can’t be late for my meeting.”
👦 “Okay, let me just add this last piece, and I’ll hurry up.”
👩‍👦 “Thank you, I’d appreciate that.”

Sound too good to be true? Maybe. Maybe not. Sometimes, kids just need to understand the impact of their actions instead of hearing nagging reminders. And yes, sometimes they still resist… but we’ll talk about that next time. 😉

✨ Want to make parenting easier? These skills take practice, but once you start using them, conflicts smooth out, parenting feels lighter, and your relationship grows stronger.

Want to learn more? Join my 8-week online P.E.T. course! Try the first class FREE! 🎉

📅 Tuesdays, March 25 – May 20
⏰ 9:30 AM – 12:30 PM PT

Drop a 💡 in the comments if you’ve tried this before! 👇 #ParentingTips #ParentEffectivenessTraining #PositiveParenting
Sometimes things like finding the shoes, not being Sometimes things like finding the shoes, not being late, making sure the homework gets done feel so urgent.

So we insist.

We rush things.

We pressure.

What if we didn’t? These moments are not emergencies. No one will be harmed if we are late to that party or even late to school. No one.

Except maybe our kids’ self esteem.

Maybe our relationship with them.

The thing is, most things in parenting that FEEL like emergencies, are not.

It’s ok to slow down.

It’s ok to revisit the homework issue when you’re in a place of compassion.

It’s ok to wait.

When we wait and recognize these moments are not emergencies, NOT reflections of us, we find that we do not send stressed children off to school, we do not have a child crying over the missing shoes or unfinished homework.

You wait, the shoe might be found, it might not.

You wait and listen about how hard, or stupid, or boring the homework is and then you figure it out. Together.

This is my mantra when I feel like rushing everyone or engaging in a power struggle.

“Is this an EMERGENCY?”

Most often it’s not. The question slows me down, helps me prioritize the people in front of me instead of the things that need to get done.

#slowdown #parenting #parenteffectivenesstraining #sandiegomom #parentingclasses #emotionalawareness #raisethechildchangetheworld #hitpause See less
This is a big one! If you want your child to tell This is a big one! If you want your child to tell you the big things, it's tricky if they hear you judge others. They may not think you will accept their own truths and stop sharing with you. 

One of the most powerful ways of showing acceptance is Active Listening. When a child expresses a problem, try not to offer advice, solutions or analyze. Just listen, reflect back what you hear, and watch them continue to think the problem through on their own. 

One of the most powerful ways of showing acceptance is Active Listening. When a child expresses a problem, try not to offer advice or solutions or analyze. Just listen, reflect back what you hear and watch them continue to think the problem through on their own. 

Sign up below:
https://respectfulparent.com/pet-course/ #parenteffectivenesstraining #sandiegomoms #sandiegoparentingclasses #attachmentparenting #parentingclasses #rie #respectfulparenting #sandiegoparents #parenteffectivnesstraining #RespectfulParenting #sandiegomom #respectfulparent
Parent Effectiveness Training is made up of a very Parent Effectiveness Training is made up of a very specific set of communication skills that enable parents to positively influence their children’s behavior. It is a blueprint for following the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you.

At the very root of P.E.T. is a belief that children aren’t bad or mischievous; they simply behave in ways that satisfy their particular needs at the moment. A baby cries because he is hungry; four-year-old sticks her hands into a can of paint and spills it on the carpet because she wants to play with the paint, to explore; a sixteen-year-old comes home later than you feel is safe because he feels a need to be with his friends.

Children have the right to meet their needs, but parents do too. It is in meeting these conflicting needs that most parent/child relationships get into trouble. Some parents insist on obedience from their children, so they get their needs met at the expense of the children meeting theirs’. Other parents, wishing to spare their children any hurt and aggravation, give in and let their children get their way, but then the parents suffer. Either way, someone is left feeling resentful of the other. It is this constant cycle of power struggles and the subsequent pent-up resentments that result that slowly begin to erode the parent/child relationship.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. There is a third option: Both parents and children can get their needs met. 

Learn More or Sign up:
Online Course Starting Tuesday Mornings March 25th - May 20th
9:30am - 12:30pm Pacific Time
https://respectfulparent.com/pet-course/
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