“A gallery of signs from the universe led me to respectful parenting.” Meet Member Adriana Walcewski.
Meeting her nephew, studying child development, working in preschools, having her own three children, learning how to parent a child with specific needs, lots of therapy, walking the path with other families, all lead her to where she is now.
Adriana now helps host the Respectful Parent, Inner Circle and works part-time as a postpartum doula. I chatted with her about work-life balance, homeschooling, and prioritizing respectful parenting in her life.
Name: Adriana Walczewski
Location: San Diego, CA
What I Do: Postpartum Doula, Virtual Assistant, Former Preschool Teacher, Mother of 3
How many kids do you have? How old are they?
Three boys ages eight, five and a half, and three.
Do your kids go to school? Where?
I homeschool all three of my kids. Only one is full-time homeschool. The other two do a dropoff class two times a week for between three and five hours. It’s always very busy.
Do you work outside the home? What do you do?
Yes. Very part-time. I am a postpartum doula and a virtual assistant. I work evenings and nights doing postpartum doula work. So that is mostly taking care of newborns and helping at night so moms and families can get enough sleep. I’m taking care of new babies, doing diaper changes, feedings etc. It’s especially helpful for families with siblings so that parents can tend to older siblings and continue a stable nighttime routine.
How does that fit into your parenting?
I am working hard to give new and expanding families the confidence and tools and trust to raise their little ones thoughtfully and with respect in both of those jobs actually! To help balance the night jobs I take naps! That’s like the number one thing. We have a pretty strict nap time routine in our house so we can all rest and recharge.
Give us a typical day in your life. Don’t leave anything out🙏We want to know everything down to what your morning routine looks like to meals, outings and bedtime routines.
It’s kind of designed so that the bulk of activity is in the morning and then we have some snuggling and quiet time in the afternoon. When my partner gets home, he gets to take over with a new burst of activity while I go and do work either on my computer or at somebody else’s house.
Our routine is basically wake up and try to sneak out of the bed. Slippers on. Into the kitchen to take vitamins and start the kettle. Get whatever it is that Amos (3) is asking for his pre-breakfast breakfast. Snuggle Anthony (5) on the couch. Make tea. Start actual breakfast. Ask Anderson (8) to let out the chickens. Feed the kittens. Gather children at the table to eat. While the kids eat, get myself a quick shower and get dressed. Pick up all the little toys that magically appeared. Turn on the robot vacuum. Pack snacks and water bottles while kids finish getting themselves ready. Assist in getting 3 pairs of shoes onto 6 feet and tied. Off to the library. Then stop to eat at the park and burn off some energy.
Back home to read a few library books and lay down for a rest (all of us, kittens included). Sleep for one hour. While kids continue sleeping, work in the garden or work on work and run the laundry or dishwasher. Start dinner prep. Snuggle on the couch as everyone wakes up. Fold laundry. Eat a quick bite of food when my husband gets home. Change clothes, pack bag, and off to work a shift. Lots of holding babies and cleaning and talking to parents. Then home. Into the kitchen to take meds. Change clothes and sit with Andy on the couch. Read a few chapters on my kindle. Then SLEEP.
What’s the most important thing in your life outside of your kids and family?
Helping building community and sharing all of the things that I’ve learned in a way that makes the world a better place.
I’m also big on all kinds of research and do it yourself kind of things. Community appeals to me because of how I was raised… My dad was really big into community organizing and since I became a parent, it’s really proven to me how valuable it is to have a community of like-minded families and people that you can rely on and you can network with and learn from in a way that you can’t do when you’re isolated. So I think it just makes me a better person and it makes my family stronger. I think that if everybody thought that way, then we wouldn’t be in such dire straits as a world.
What’s your biggest challenge with parenting? How do you overcome it?My health. It’s tough to not feel well but perform well. It’s really easy to be cranky. I build in things and times to care for myself. I do work that feels fulfilling and builds community. I also try to start with “yes” or “why not” when it comes to my kids and think about how I’m trying to foster greater physical and mental health for all of us.
How do you define a good parenting day?
No yelling (me), no hitting (them), a few snuggles (at least) and lots of time outside.
What’s the first thing you do when you wake up? Your kids?
Go pee. Everyone.
What’s been the most important skill that you’ve developed in respectful parenting?
“What’s Your Plan?” I use it ALL the time! That’s a phrase Kelly taught me to ask when you aren’t sure what they’re about to do. I think what I take away from that is just that the way that we say things and the phrasing we use and, the respect that we give our kids, to allow space for thoughts and ideas of their own is super important. The way that you frame your children’s activities really reflects your opinion of them, especially in their eyes.
Who was the first person who showed you the way? Give us names, dates, and details. This could be your first spiritual leader, your doctor, your nutritionist, your therapist, or the first person who showed you that you needed to take this path.
I don’t know that there was one person. I think of it more like a gallery of signs from the universe. Meeting my nephew, studying child development, working in preschools, having my own children, learning how to parent a child with specific needs, lots of therapy, walking the path with other families, all lead me to where I am.
What was your biggest “AHA” moment with this type of parenting?
I’m going to have to work on my own personal history and issues if I am going to do this well.
What are your big parenting goals for the year?
Yell less. Yep, I’m a yeller and it has been a very hard habit to break. I think my parenting goal every year is to yell less. Some years I’m better at it than others, but it’s not an effective way to communicate with my children at all. I’m still trying to find new techniques and habits to fill that space, that’s always my goal. My house is also already really loud and I don’t need to add to it.
What’s been your greatest reward in the choices you’ve made to do this?Being able to share it with other families. The biggest reward so far has been the community that I’ve become a part of – the whole shebang. I have got people in all my pockets that I can rely on, who I trust to give me good advice – parenting advice and life advice and who also respect my opinion. Um, also the things that I’m doing and the things that I’m constantly learning because I guess people who raised their children respectfully are also respectful towards other families. Just being able to share that viewpoint with the families that I work with as a doula or when I’m talking about babywearing or when I meet strangers at the park showing them by example or by outright communication about how we do things at our house. I’m making the world a better place.
Why is being part of a group like this valuable to you?
Building community, sharing resources and knowledge, learning new tools.
Mostly for all the things that I’ve already been saying, but it’s a community of like-minded people. I don’t have to feel like I’m up against somebody’s harsh opinions or judgment. There’s a lot of sharing resources, sharing stories, collaboration and problem-solving that happens that you don’t always get other places.
When did you know the Respectful Parenting path was important to you? Why?
When I first started to get to know my oldest nephew. His mom would always say “how’d you get him to do that?” and that didn’t make any sense to me…I just talked to him like a person, and listened like he was a person, and it worked. I didn’t know that my path would be quite what it is now, but that was the catalyst to learning more about talking to and listening to children.
When did you first become of aware of Kelly at Respectful Parent?
Oh, well I first met Kelly when our kids were in kindergarten together. I don’t even know how we really got to talking, but at some point, we were talking strategies I think for leaving a child who doesn’t want to be left at school and oh, constipation,😂 it was like the emotional component of being constipated and getting past it to finish potty learning.
Then I became her virtual assistant and our first project together was doing the Kelly’s Resources page which is her gear and book guide. I was taking all of my knowledge from preschool teaching and building our home library and working in a baby store and putting it all together.
I think it was all very organic how we started working together in the way that it progressed, I started to have more time. And she started to have less time or more projects than time…
What led you to join Respectful Parent’s online group?
I do not have the world’s easiest children. So, as much as I try to parent respectfully, and share what I know with other families, I have a lot to learn. And also, I love to help.
Although I am sometimes an expert in some parts of my life, I am not always the expert. And there are always challenges as we hit the next phase or the next growth spurt or identity crisis as my kids get older. So having other families and experts to rely on is where it’s at.
Are you currently leading a village in Inner Circle?
Oh yeah! Kelly asked me to host a baby pregnancy and childbirth group, and I love to say yes to things like that.
What is one new thing you’re hoping to learn from the other members here in the Inner Circle?
Respectfully parenting older kids. The toddler and preschooler age, I think I have it down fairly well, but eight years old and nine years old are going to be a really big challenge for me because I don’t have that background.
If you could ask members one question, what would it be?
The first question that comes to mind is, “How can I help you?”
What about Adriana’s Journey is similar to yours? Different? Let us know your story in the conversation below! 👇🏽👇🏽👇🏽
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