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Memories of a Childhood Outdoors

May 28, 2014

– by Dawn Pedersen, M.eD.

 

These are the outdoor recollections I hold dear from a childhood spent in Los Angeles. I hope that my preschool-age son Theo will have the same freedom I enjoyed then and there, in his own way. Each of these snapshots from my past–ages of about 6 to 12–still glitters in my memory, because it was a vital element of who I have become. These experiences were not unique; many of them were repeated year-after-year in variations. They form a foundation that supports my independence, self-assurance, and love of outdoors today.

I grew up in the San Fernando Valley in the 1970s. The quiet suburban neighborhood that was my world then has changed since, but not overly so. I lived in a little 2-bedroom house on the corner.

I had a best friend Lisa, who was my next-door neighbor from age 2 through elementary school. She and her other neighbor, Diane, and I used to play Charlies Angels. We fashioned guns from sticks or our hands. Sometimes we got lucky and had cap guns or water pistols. We played in the street, hid in bushes, ran everywhere. Lisa always got to be Farrah Fawcett because she was the blond.

We played baseball in the street. We rode with our bottoms on skateboards, down the hills in the two streets that joined in front of my house. We drew in white chalk on the asphalt, big pictures. We rode Big Wheels and similar toys on the sidewalks and streets. We roller skated with skates attached to our shoes, and later with actual roller skates in our size. We cartwheeled in the streets.

Lisa and I both had giant pine trees in our front yards. My tree was not very suitable for climbing, but Lisa’s was perfect. She showed me how to grab the lowest branch, hook a leg over it, and pull myself up. Then I had a steady climb to a cradle of branches at the top. From there, I could see the whole neighborhood, or so it seemed. It felt exhilarating.

Lisa and I memorized Hotel California by Eagles together, outside while my record player was engaged inside. I still have that song memorized, and I belt it out when it comes on the radio. I don’t remember very much from Beth by KISS (her favorite,) even though we made up a dance to go with it in her back yard. There may have been roller skates involved.

The nearest playground was at our very own school, so on weekends we would squeeze through a gap under the gate, or clamber over the fence, and play there. We flew kites there and skated there, and climbed the monkey bars and did our own little gymnastics. Of course, this playground was also our habitat during recess and lunch on schooldays too, a roomy asphalt nirvana. Often I was alone during recess so I’d smack a tether ball around, or ride an imaginary horse.

My parents outfitted our backyard with a jungle gym and swings. I climbed these structures as well as the orange trees and the fences into our neighbor’s yards. On at least one occasion, Lisa and I crawled up onto her detached garage which adjoined our yard. We scooped up handfuls of small white pebbles from the tar paper on its roof, and threw the rocks into my backyard. For no particular reason. I once landed on a nail while barefoot, entering the other neighbor’s backyard from over the wrought-iron fence. I couldn’t be blamed–they had an apricot tree loaded with ripe fruit. I played with our dogs and rabbits and chickens and ducks in the back yard. I made mud puddles with the hose and built mud cities.

Dawn, Age 6, in Backyard with Dogs
Dawn, Age 6, in Backyard with Dogs

My friends and I played in the sprinklers in the front yard when it was hot, and drank out of the hose. We ran for the ice cream truck and gave up our hard-earned quarters in exchange for cold treats. We’d sit on the red concrete curbs and try to finish off popsicles and drumsticks before the sugary melt dripped down to our elbows. Sometimes we were banned from coming inside until dinner, if it was nice outside. And recall that this was L.A. It was almost always nice outside.

Up one hill and across the street, I’d yank grass out from my side of the fence and offer it through the chain links to cows residing on the other side. Up the other hill and across the street, I’d wander through the vacant lot, inspecting discarded junk in the weeds. I’d climb the wooden rungs nailed into a tree trunk there, up to the platform someone had built years earlier.

We would hear our mothers calling our names from blocks away when it was time to come home. Sometimes we’d fake hearing our name on the wind, if we wanted to beg out of playing with those particular friends for some reason.

When I got older (maybe 9 or 10,) I was allowed to ride my bike several blocks away from the house. I’d take it for a cruise around all the cul-de-sacs, through alleyways, into new places. I’d take it to friend’s houses, or to a store that had a nice candy selection. I once found some kind of construction site and found it spooky but irresistible for exploration. I eventually would venture out so far, I’d make it across busy streets to the nearest park.

I had a friend Sydney, who was the year-older-than-me daughter of my daycare lady Julie. She and I spent a great deal of time in Julie’s backyard, finding our own ways to fight the boredom of being in a backyard for hours every day. I once became convinced that the recent addition of 20 stitches in my right shin made me a faster runner (counter to my doctor’s caution not to run.) I recall running back and forth through her yard repeatedly. We invented games with odd, arbitrary rules to keep ourselves occupied.

My father sometimes drove us out to Topanga Canyon to collect boulders. I’d scrambled over the rocks, helping him pick just the right ones. He’d lift those beasts over into in the trunk of his Oldsmobile, and back out again when we got home. He built a bumpy driveway from them, and it’s still there. That driveway will survive long after the house has crumbled into dust.

I went to summer camp at least twice as a girl. Two weeks straight without my parents, sleeping on cots under trees. I’d hike and swim and sing songs around a camp fire. I’d make crafts out of leather, string, masking tape, and beads. I learned how to ride a horse. I have a vivid memory of the boatman water insect that was scooting across the surface of the pool. For two weeks, the only time we’d be indoors was during meals.

I walked to school every day, rain or shine. Lucky for me, it’s front entrance was only three blocks away.

I was allowed to take risks and create adventures outdoors as a child.

The news is now filled with stories of adults who are too frightened to let children out of their sights. Neighbors who are calling police when children are out in the streets alone. Schools that are are cutting recess, or finding reasons to keep kids from running, playing tag, climbing. Parents who cited for leaving kids alone at park playgrounds. Libraries that won’t let kids come in unattended. Parents who are accused of neglect when their children end up with too many bruises from play. Mothers who bring adolescent boys into the women’s room with them for safety. Boys who are suspended from school for even imagining they have a toy gun or grenade.

People who don’t trust other people around their children, and who don’t trust their children.

Now children are usually told don’t climb that tree, be careful doing that, oh no you’re too little for that. They are allowed to stay in all day, because it’s too dangerous out there. They cannot take risks, or engage with anything that might possibly hurt them.

Kids are shuttled from class to class when not in school, where adults lead and monitor their time. Sure, sports get kids outside and classes are fun and enriching. And there’s a place for that.

But there needs to be time and opportunity for a child to negotiate his own relationship with the world. It needs to be unstructured by adults. In fact, any adult supervision should be minimal and unobtrusive. And this self-guided activity needs to occupy the better part of a child’s free time.

This is what I hope to give to Theo. When he’s ready, I’ll open the door and get out of the way.

P.S. I’d like to give a shout-out to a handful of the bloggers/writers who helped inspire my parenting:

  • Richard Louv – “Last Child in the Woods”
  • Lenore Skenazy – “Free Range Kids”
  • Emily Plank – “Abundant Life Children”
  • Janet Lansbury – “Elevating Childcare”
  • Alfie Kohn – “Unconditional Parenting”
  • Heather Shumaker – “It’s OK Not to Share and Other Renegade Rules”

This article was originally published on 2/21/2013 at KidsBusyBook.com, and now lives here.

Categories: Physical Health & Safety, Play & Education Comment / Share

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Daily Parenting Inspiration

“How dare you defy me!” 😱 Gulp.

The word “defiance” always makes me pause. What do we really mean when we say a child is being defiant?

They won’t listen.
They won’t cooperate.
They won’t do what we want.
But… what if what we want isn’t compatible with what they need in that moment? And what if their “defiance” is really just them using the only tool they have to stand up for themselves? (Because let’s be honest—kids see power being used all the time!)

What if, instead of labeling it as defiance, we listened? What if we got curious about what was so important to them that it was stopping them from helping us?

💡 Here’s an example:

Child A wears a new hat to school. Child B snatches it off her head.
Teacher takes the hat from Child A.
Child A, totally incensed, SNEAKS it back. Twice.

At first glance? Defiance.
But when the teacher listens, she learns that Child A isn’t being stubborn—she feels punished for someone else’s actions.

So the teacher gives her more information:
"The hat was distracting me while I was talking, and I needed to finish."

And just like that, the child responds:
"Well, if I knew that, I would’ve put it in my backpack. Can I do that instead? I’m worried it’ll get taken sitting out like that."

✨ BOOM. Cooperation. ✨

Instead of wielding power and getting defiance in return, the teacher communicated—and got a natural, thoughtful solution.

Isn’t communication the best?! 😍

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One of the biggest reasons I teach Parent Effectiv One of the biggest reasons I teach Parent Effectiveness Training? 👇

Because I used to wonder: Why do some kids tell their parents everything while others hide it all?

When my kids were little, I was determined to figure this out. And what I found boiled down to two simple (but not easy!) things:

✨ Acceptance & Listening. ✨

When kids feel accepted—when they know we’re truly listening without judgment, criticism, or unsolicited advice—they open up. They feel safe. They feel loved. ❤️

Is this hard? YES. Especially when they share something that makes you want to scream, panic, or hand them a 10-step plan for better choices. 😅

But here’s the thing: My kids tell me.
They tell me when they’re in a mess and need help.
They tell me when something is weighing on their conscience.
And most of the time—once they’ve been heard—they actually ask for advice.

One simple phrase that helps:
👉 “Do you want me to just listen, or do you want advice?”

If they want advice, I share it—gently. If they don’t, I zip it. (Not easy, but worth it. 😆)

And you know what? The time for advice always comes.

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Or 3-year-olds… or 5-year-olds! 😆 Does it re Or 3-year-olds… or 5-year-olds! 😆

Does it really matter if they insist the cup is blue when it’s clearly purple? 💜➡️💙

Does it matter if they say, “No, these aren’t Vans, they’re Airwalks!” 🤷‍♀️

Does it matter if they swear the teacher won’t care… even when you know the teacher definitely will?

NO. No, it doesn’t. 🙃

They’ll learn. This will pass.

I’ve learned to just say “OK” and move on. They heard me. They’ll process it (even if they never admit it). And more often than not… it sinks in. 😉

Don’t forget I have a class coming up that will help you out of power struggles like a BOSS!

Tuesday mornings, March 25th - May 20th
9:30am-12:30 PM PACIFIC TIME 

Link in bio
Tired of nagging? Here’s what actually works. L Tired of nagging? Here’s what actually works.

Last week, we talked about who owns the problem—a key part of the Behavior Window in Parent Effectiveness Training. If your child is struggling, they own the problem. Your job? Listen and guide.

But what happens when you own the problem? 🤔

Let’s say:
🚿 Your child leaves wet towels and clothes on the bathroom floor.
⏳ Your child plays Legos before school and is running late—but you have a meeting to get to.

They’re not bothered. But you are.

So how do you get them to change—without nagging, bribing, or battling?

💡 Enter the Confrontive I-Message. It’s a simple way to communicate clearly so your child actually wants to help. It has three parts:

1️⃣ Describe what you see (no judgments like “messy” or “irresponsible”).
2️⃣ Explain the impact on you.
3️⃣ Share how you feel about it.

Here’s how it might go:

🚿 Scenario 1: The Wet Towels
👩‍👧 “Hey Maya, I have a bit of a problem I could use your help with…”
(This gives your child a moment to shift into Helper mode.)
👧 “Okay…”
👩‍👧 “When wet towels are left on the floor, I don’t have one to use and have to find a dry one. It’s frustrating to do that while dripping wet.”
👧 “Oh… sorry, Mom. I’ll go pick them up.”
👩‍👧 “Thank you!”

⏳ Scenario 2: Running Late
👩‍👦 “Hey kiddo, I’m a bit worried because it’s almost time to go, and you’re not ready for school. I really can’t be late for my meeting.”
👦 “Okay, let me just add this last piece, and I’ll hurry up.”
👩‍👦 “Thank you, I’d appreciate that.”

Sound too good to be true? Maybe. Maybe not. Sometimes, kids just need to understand the impact of their actions instead of hearing nagging reminders. And yes, sometimes they still resist… but we’ll talk about that next time. 😉

✨ Want to make parenting easier? These skills take practice, but once you start using them, conflicts smooth out, parenting feels lighter, and your relationship grows stronger.

Want to learn more? Join my 8-week online P.E.T. course! Try the first class FREE! 🎉

📅 Tuesdays, March 25 – May 20
⏰ 9:30 AM – 12:30 PM PT

Drop a 💡 in the comments if you’ve tried this before! 👇 #ParentingTips #ParentEffectivenessTraining #PositiveParenting
Sometimes things like finding the shoes, not being Sometimes things like finding the shoes, not being late, making sure the homework gets done feel so urgent.

So we insist.

We rush things.

We pressure.

What if we didn’t? These moments are not emergencies. No one will be harmed if we are late to that party or even late to school. No one.

Except maybe our kids’ self esteem.

Maybe our relationship with them.

The thing is, most things in parenting that FEEL like emergencies, are not.

It’s ok to slow down.

It’s ok to revisit the homework issue when you’re in a place of compassion.

It’s ok to wait.

When we wait and recognize these moments are not emergencies, NOT reflections of us, we find that we do not send stressed children off to school, we do not have a child crying over the missing shoes or unfinished homework.

You wait, the shoe might be found, it might not.

You wait and listen about how hard, or stupid, or boring the homework is and then you figure it out. Together.

This is my mantra when I feel like rushing everyone or engaging in a power struggle.

“Is this an EMERGENCY?”

Most often it’s not. The question slows me down, helps me prioritize the people in front of me instead of the things that need to get done.

#slowdown #parenting #parenteffectivenesstraining #sandiegomom #parentingclasses #emotionalawareness #raisethechildchangetheworld #hitpause See less
This is a big one! If you want your child to tell This is a big one! If you want your child to tell you the big things, it's tricky if they hear you judge others. They may not think you will accept their own truths and stop sharing with you. 

One of the most powerful ways of showing acceptance is Active Listening. When a child expresses a problem, try not to offer advice, solutions or analyze. Just listen, reflect back what you hear, and watch them continue to think the problem through on their own. 

One of the most powerful ways of showing acceptance is Active Listening. When a child expresses a problem, try not to offer advice or solutions or analyze. Just listen, reflect back what you hear and watch them continue to think the problem through on their own. 

Sign up below:
https://respectfulparent.com/pet-course/ #parenteffectivenesstraining #sandiegomoms #sandiegoparentingclasses #attachmentparenting #parentingclasses #rie #respectfulparenting #sandiegoparents #parenteffectivnesstraining #RespectfulParenting #sandiegomom #respectfulparent
Parent Effectiveness Training is made up of a very Parent Effectiveness Training is made up of a very specific set of communication skills that enable parents to positively influence their children’s behavior. It is a blueprint for following the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you.

At the very root of P.E.T. is a belief that children aren’t bad or mischievous; they simply behave in ways that satisfy their particular needs at the moment. A baby cries because he is hungry; four-year-old sticks her hands into a can of paint and spills it on the carpet because she wants to play with the paint, to explore; a sixteen-year-old comes home later than you feel is safe because he feels a need to be with his friends.

Children have the right to meet their needs, but parents do too. It is in meeting these conflicting needs that most parent/child relationships get into trouble. Some parents insist on obedience from their children, so they get their needs met at the expense of the children meeting theirs’. Other parents, wishing to spare their children any hurt and aggravation, give in and let their children get their way, but then the parents suffer. Either way, someone is left feeling resentful of the other. It is this constant cycle of power struggles and the subsequent pent-up resentments that result that slowly begin to erode the parent/child relationship.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. There is a third option: Both parents and children can get their needs met. 

Learn More or Sign up:
Online Course Starting Tuesday Mornings March 25th - May 20th
9:30am - 12:30pm Pacific Time
https://respectfulparent.com/pet-course/
Whew that's a lot to think about! The more accep Whew that's a lot to think about! 

The more accepting our parents were of us.

The more accepting we are of ourselves.

The more accepting we are of ourselves, the more accepting we are of others.

The good news is once we identify this, we can change our area of acceptance and therefore our child's acceptance of themselves.

Helping future genertions become more accepting of others.

A Parent Effectiveness Training Course can help you with this in 8 short weeks. It's a brain stretcher for sure, but a sure way to grow!

Online Course starting Tuesdays, March 25th - May 20th
9:30 am - 12:30 pm

 #parentingclasses #sandiegomoms #sandiegoparentingclasses #attachmentparenting #rie #respectfulparenting #parenteffectivenesstraining
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