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Our Journey to Parenthood

August 15, 2013

 

There is a room in the city I live that has seen the worst and one of the best days of my life. It’s the room where I learnt that my husband would never be a biological father and where I learnt that it would be very tough for me to be a biological mother. It’s the room that we learnt that we would be parents.  This is our journey to parenthood.

Roll the clock back nearly five years and my then fiancé and I decided the time was right to start the journey to parenthood.  I naively thought, well this should just take a few months.  I was wrong.  A year ticked by, nothing, not even the slightest whiff of a pregnancy, another few months passed by, still nothing.  It was easy to explain things away, we’re not having sex enough, we’re too busy, we’ve been busy with the wedding,  it was just wrong timing, it will happen next month.

Finally, just under two years of trying we went to see a fertility specialist. The news was bad, very bad.  I remember sitting there as our specialist turned to my husband and said, “I’m sorry but you have a sperm count of zero.  There is a less than 1% chance that you would ever be able to father a child, and to determine that 1% would involve an operation.” And then turning to me “and even if we do, it is unlikely that IVF would be successful for as you have a very low egg count for your age”. You can imagine the tears, the grief, the anger. It isn’t often in this day and age that you are told that you can’t have something that you desperately want and it is a bitter pill to swallow.

There were two options for us to consider, adoption or try IUI (intrauterine insemination) using donor sperm.  In the country where I live there are less than 100 babies adopted annually.  After tears (from both of us), sleepless nights, week/months of talking about our options – a decision was made, we will try using a donor.  Selecting a donor was like reading an online dating profile – you ruled out donors based on superficial information – we want an extrovert not an introvert, we can’t imagine having a blond haired child, he’s too short.  The selection was made.

Treatment protocol started, pills taken to increase the number of eggs I ovulated, blood tests upon blood tests, scans, daily phone calls from the clinic, acupuncture sessions – it felt endless and overwhelming.  First round a BFN (big fat negative) as they say in infertility land.  We weren’t too worried; we were both anxious and nervous the whole way through not knowing what happens next.  Second time round we learnt that we would be parents.  Nearly three years after starting to try for a baby we were finally pregnant. The room that made us so sad, was now a room filled with hope and joy.

The rest of the story is uneventful, my son sleeps peacefully in his room as I type, while his twin brothers (due later this year) kick and prod me from inside my heavily pregnant belly.

The story ends with all the thank you’s I owe… thank you to science, thank you to the generous man who donated sperm, thank you to his wife that allowed him to do it, thank you to the specialist and all the clinic staff and thank you to my husband – I love you with all my heart.

Categories: Pregnancy & Fertility 4 Comments / Share

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Comments

  1. Sarah says

    August 15, 2013 at 4:46 pm

    That is so amazing! I love you for your honesty!

    Reply
  2. Elizabeth says

    August 15, 2013 at 5:19 pm

    Beautiful story! I’m glad you both persisted and made your dreams of parenthood a reality.

    Reply
  3. Jen says

    August 15, 2013 at 6:35 pm

    A good friend of mine has an amazing and beautiful child from IVF. Bless you and your perfect family!

    Reply
  4. Mama S says

    August 16, 2013 at 12:25 pm

    A true miracle! Good luck on the impending birth!

    Reply

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Daily Parenting Inspiration

✨ Let’s Talk About how to do Empathy! ✨ As ✨ Let’s Talk About how to do Empathy! ✨

As parents, it's easy to view our child's behavior through an adult lens—but what if we took a step back and looked a little deeper? 

For example, a child saying, "I don’t want to play with you!" might seem rude at first. But what if they actually mean, "I’m in the middle of another game right now, but I’d love to play later!"? They just need a little help expressing it better.

That’s why empathy isn’t just for moments of distress—it’s just as important when our kids seem to be doing something "wrong." When we pause to understand their perspective, we often realize they’re thinking something completely different from what we assumed. And THAT is where real teaching happens—helping them communicate their needs, understand themselves, and grow. 

Problem ownership is key here. Instead of seeing your child as a problem, consider that they have a problem they don’t yet know how to solve. When we shift from scolding to understanding, we open the door to connection and growth. 💛

🔊 Here’s what an empathetic response sounds like in action:

A child comes to you upset after arguing with a friend.
Child: I hate her!

Parent: Something about her really made you mad...?

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Parent: You sure don’t like that...

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Parent: I see...

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Parent: That sounds like a great plan!

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Pretty cool, huh?

💡 Want to learn how to make this happen in your home? My next Parent Effectiveness Training class is in just 6 days!

📅 Tuesdays | March 25 - May 20
⏰ 9:30 AM - 12:30 PM (Online)

Spots are limited, so don’t wait! Message me to sign up or ask any questions. ⬇️💬

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🚀 The Magic of “What’s Your Plan?” 🚀 🚀 The Magic of “What’s Your Plan?” 🚀

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You start with a gentle reminder… then a choice… then a consequence… then a full-on “Put on your dang shoes already!” 😵‍💫

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✨ Boom—instant shift! ✨

You’re no longer giving an order (which kids love to push against). Instead, you’re giving them autonomy while still assuming shoes are happening. Now, their brain kicks in:

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They figure it out, they take action, and they move one step closer to independence. 🙌

Give it a try and tell me what happens! ⬇️💬

—

💡 Want more game-changing parenting strategies? Join my upcoming P.E.T. (Parent Effectiveness Training) class!

📅 Starts Tuesday, March 25th
⏰ 9:30 AM Pacific Time (via Zoom)
✨ First class is FREE!

In this class, you'll learn powerful tools to reduce power struggles and build strong, respectful relationships with your kids.

Message me or comment below if you want details! 💙
“How dare you defy me!” 😱 Gulp.

The word “defiance” always makes me pause. What do we really mean when we say a child is being defiant?

They won’t listen.
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Instead of wielding power and getting defiance in return, the teacher communicated—and got a natural, thoughtful solution.

Isn’t communication the best?! 😍

Want to learn tools to listen, set boundaries, and solve problems so your home is full of more love and cooperation?

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One of the biggest reasons I teach Parent Effectiv One of the biggest reasons I teach Parent Effectiveness Training? 👇

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✨ Acceptance & Listening. ✨

When kids feel accepted—when they know we’re truly listening without judgment, criticism, or unsolicited advice—they open up. They feel safe. They feel loved. ❤️

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And you know what? The time for advice always comes.

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Or 3-year-olds… or 5-year-olds! 😆 Does it re Or 3-year-olds… or 5-year-olds! 😆

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Does it matter if they say, “No, these aren’t Vans, they’re Airwalks!” 🤷‍♀️

Does it matter if they swear the teacher won’t care… even when you know the teacher definitely will?

NO. No, it doesn’t. 🙃

They’ll learn. This will pass.

I’ve learned to just say “OK” and move on. They heard me. They’ll process it (even if they never admit it). And more often than not… it sinks in. 😉

Don’t forget I have a class coming up that will help you out of power struggles like a BOSS!

Tuesday mornings, March 25th - May 20th
9:30am-12:30 PM PACIFIC TIME 

Link in bio
Tired of nagging? Here’s what actually works. L Tired of nagging? Here’s what actually works.

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But what happens when you own the problem? 🤔

Let’s say:
🚿 Your child leaves wet towels and clothes on the bathroom floor.
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They’re not bothered. But you are.

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💡 Enter the Confrontive I-Message. It’s a simple way to communicate clearly so your child actually wants to help. It has three parts:

1️⃣ Describe what you see (no judgments like “messy” or “irresponsible”).
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3️⃣ Share how you feel about it.

Here’s how it might go:

🚿 Scenario 1: The Wet Towels
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👧 “Oh… sorry, Mom. I’ll go pick them up.”
👩‍👧 “Thank you!”

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✨ Want to make parenting easier? These skills take practice, but once you start using them, conflicts smooth out, parenting feels lighter, and your relationship grows stronger.

Want to learn more? Join my 8-week online P.E.T. course! Try the first class FREE! 🎉

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Sometimes things like finding the shoes, not being Sometimes things like finding the shoes, not being late, making sure the homework gets done feel so urgent.

So we insist.

We rush things.

We pressure.

What if we didn’t? These moments are not emergencies. No one will be harmed if we are late to that party or even late to school. No one.

Except maybe our kids’ self esteem.

Maybe our relationship with them.

The thing is, most things in parenting that FEEL like emergencies, are not.

It’s ok to slow down.

It’s ok to revisit the homework issue when you’re in a place of compassion.

It’s ok to wait.

When we wait and recognize these moments are not emergencies, NOT reflections of us, we find that we do not send stressed children off to school, we do not have a child crying over the missing shoes or unfinished homework.

You wait, the shoe might be found, it might not.

You wait and listen about how hard, or stupid, or boring the homework is and then you figure it out. Together.

This is my mantra when I feel like rushing everyone or engaging in a power struggle.

“Is this an EMERGENCY?”

Most often it’s not. The question slows me down, helps me prioritize the people in front of me instead of the things that need to get done.

#slowdown #parenting #parenteffectivenesstraining #sandiegomom #parentingclasses #emotionalawareness #raisethechildchangetheworld #hitpause See less
This is a big one! If you want your child to tell This is a big one! If you want your child to tell you the big things, it's tricky if they hear you judge others. They may not think you will accept their own truths and stop sharing with you. 

One of the most powerful ways of showing acceptance is Active Listening. When a child expresses a problem, try not to offer advice, solutions or analyze. Just listen, reflect back what you hear, and watch them continue to think the problem through on their own. 

One of the most powerful ways of showing acceptance is Active Listening. When a child expresses a problem, try not to offer advice or solutions or analyze. Just listen, reflect back what you hear and watch them continue to think the problem through on their own. 

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