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You Hope….

April 5, 2015

You click the camera, and hope that nothing ever breaks their spell…not growing up, not shouldering the world in which they now dance so spritely

you hope they will smile through their eyes all their lives long  and speak so freely with one another, and reach out their arms to bestow affection, without questioning the desire to do so

you hope that they will always twirl in unison, with their laughing heads to the sky, and their wild hair at one with the wind

you hope this with a fever to rival the sun. You hope they will not one day, decades hence, look at these images of little people, so expansive and wonder where they went

-hph

All photos by H.P. Hart/Good Eye Image

 

 

 

Categories: Behavior & Discipline, Play & Education 1 Comment / Share

« Why “Choosing Your Battles” May Not Be An Effective Parenting Strategy
I Accept The Mess: What Setting Limits Looks Like »

Comments

  1. Jamie says

    April 5, 2015 at 5:17 pm

    This is amazing! Thank you for sharing.

    Reply

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Daily Parenting Inspiration

🚀 The Magic of “What’s Your Plan?” 🚀 🚀 The Magic of “What’s Your Plan?” 🚀

Ever feel like you’re stuck in a never-ending shoe battle? 🥴

You start with a gentle reminder… then a choice… then a consequence… then a full-on “Put on your dang shoes already!” 😵‍💫

Instead, try this: “What’s your plan for getting shoes on today?” 👟

✨ Boom—instant shift! ✨

You’re no longer giving an order (which kids love to push against). Instead, you’re giving them autonomy while still assuming shoes are happening. Now, their brain kicks in:

🧠 “Oh, do I have a plan? Nope… guess I need one!”

They figure it out, they take action, and they move one step closer to independence. 🙌

Give it a try and tell me what happens! ⬇️💬

—

💡 Want more game-changing parenting strategies? Join my upcoming P.E.T. (Parent Effectiveness Training) class!

📅 Starts Tuesday, March 25th
⏰ 9:30 AM Pacific Time (via Zoom)
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In this class, you'll learn powerful tools to reduce power struggles and build strong, respectful relationships with your kids.

Message me or comment below if you want details! 💙
“How dare you defy me!” 😱 Gulp.

The word “defiance” always makes me pause. What do we really mean when we say a child is being defiant?

They won’t listen.
They won’t cooperate.
They won’t do what we want.
But… what if what we want isn’t compatible with what they need in that moment? And what if their “defiance” is really just them using the only tool they have to stand up for themselves? (Because let’s be honest—kids see power being used all the time!)

What if, instead of labeling it as defiance, we listened? What if we got curious about what was so important to them that it was stopping them from helping us?

💡 Here’s an example:

Child A wears a new hat to school. Child B snatches it off her head.
Teacher takes the hat from Child A.
Child A, totally incensed, SNEAKS it back. Twice.

At first glance? Defiance.
But when the teacher listens, she learns that Child A isn’t being stubborn—she feels punished for someone else’s actions.

So the teacher gives her more information:
"The hat was distracting me while I was talking, and I needed to finish."

And just like that, the child responds:
"Well, if I knew that, I would’ve put it in my backpack. Can I do that instead? I’m worried it’ll get taken sitting out like that."

✨ BOOM. Cooperation. ✨

Instead of wielding power and getting defiance in return, the teacher communicated—and got a natural, thoughtful solution.

Isn’t communication the best?! 😍

Want to learn tools to listen, set boundaries, and solve problems so your home is full of more love and cooperation?

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One of the biggest reasons I teach Parent Effectiv One of the biggest reasons I teach Parent Effectiveness Training? 👇

Because I used to wonder: Why do some kids tell their parents everything while others hide it all?

When my kids were little, I was determined to figure this out. And what I found boiled down to two simple (but not easy!) things:

✨ Acceptance & Listening. ✨

When kids feel accepted—when they know we’re truly listening without judgment, criticism, or unsolicited advice—they open up. They feel safe. They feel loved. ❤️

Is this hard? YES. Especially when they share something that makes you want to scream, panic, or hand them a 10-step plan for better choices. 😅

But here’s the thing: My kids tell me.
They tell me when they’re in a mess and need help.
They tell me when something is weighing on their conscience.
And most of the time—once they’ve been heard—they actually ask for advice.

One simple phrase that helps:
👉 “Do you want me to just listen, or do you want advice?”

If they want advice, I share it—gently. If they don’t, I zip it. (Not easy, but worth it. 😆)

And you know what? The time for advice always comes.

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Or 3-year-olds… or 5-year-olds! 😆 Does it re Or 3-year-olds… or 5-year-olds! 😆

Does it really matter if they insist the cup is blue when it’s clearly purple? 💜➡️💙

Does it matter if they say, “No, these aren’t Vans, they’re Airwalks!” 🤷‍♀️

Does it matter if they swear the teacher won’t care… even when you know the teacher definitely will?

NO. No, it doesn’t. 🙃

They’ll learn. This will pass.

I’ve learned to just say “OK” and move on. They heard me. They’ll process it (even if they never admit it). And more often than not… it sinks in. 😉

Don’t forget I have a class coming up that will help you out of power struggles like a BOSS!

Tuesday mornings, March 25th - May 20th
9:30am-12:30 PM PACIFIC TIME 

Link in bio
Tired of nagging? Here’s what actually works. L Tired of nagging? Here’s what actually works.

Last week, we talked about who owns the problem—a key part of the Behavior Window in Parent Effectiveness Training. If your child is struggling, they own the problem. Your job? Listen and guide.

But what happens when you own the problem? 🤔

Let’s say:
🚿 Your child leaves wet towels and clothes on the bathroom floor.
⏳ Your child plays Legos before school and is running late—but you have a meeting to get to.

They’re not bothered. But you are.

So how do you get them to change—without nagging, bribing, or battling?

💡 Enter the Confrontive I-Message. It’s a simple way to communicate clearly so your child actually wants to help. It has three parts:

1️⃣ Describe what you see (no judgments like “messy” or “irresponsible”).
2️⃣ Explain the impact on you.
3️⃣ Share how you feel about it.

Here’s how it might go:

🚿 Scenario 1: The Wet Towels
👩‍👧 “Hey Maya, I have a bit of a problem I could use your help with…”
(This gives your child a moment to shift into Helper mode.)
👧 “Okay…”
👩‍👧 “When wet towels are left on the floor, I don’t have one to use and have to find a dry one. It’s frustrating to do that while dripping wet.”
👧 “Oh… sorry, Mom. I’ll go pick them up.”
👩‍👧 “Thank you!”

⏳ Scenario 2: Running Late
👩‍👦 “Hey kiddo, I’m a bit worried because it’s almost time to go, and you’re not ready for school. I really can’t be late for my meeting.”
👦 “Okay, let me just add this last piece, and I’ll hurry up.”
👩‍👦 “Thank you, I’d appreciate that.”

Sound too good to be true? Maybe. Maybe not. Sometimes, kids just need to understand the impact of their actions instead of hearing nagging reminders. And yes, sometimes they still resist… but we’ll talk about that next time. 😉

✨ Want to make parenting easier? These skills take practice, but once you start using them, conflicts smooth out, parenting feels lighter, and your relationship grows stronger.

Want to learn more? Join my 8-week online P.E.T. course! Try the first class FREE! 🎉

📅 Tuesdays, March 25 – May 20
⏰ 9:30 AM – 12:30 PM PT

Drop a 💡 in the comments if you’ve tried this before! 👇 #ParentingTips #ParentEffectivenessTraining #PositiveParenting
Sometimes things like finding the shoes, not being Sometimes things like finding the shoes, not being late, making sure the homework gets done feel so urgent.

So we insist.

We rush things.

We pressure.

What if we didn’t? These moments are not emergencies. No one will be harmed if we are late to that party or even late to school. No one.

Except maybe our kids’ self esteem.

Maybe our relationship with them.

The thing is, most things in parenting that FEEL like emergencies, are not.

It’s ok to slow down.

It’s ok to revisit the homework issue when you’re in a place of compassion.

It’s ok to wait.

When we wait and recognize these moments are not emergencies, NOT reflections of us, we find that we do not send stressed children off to school, we do not have a child crying over the missing shoes or unfinished homework.

You wait, the shoe might be found, it might not.

You wait and listen about how hard, or stupid, or boring the homework is and then you figure it out. Together.

This is my mantra when I feel like rushing everyone or engaging in a power struggle.

“Is this an EMERGENCY?”

Most often it’s not. The question slows me down, helps me prioritize the people in front of me instead of the things that need to get done.

#slowdown #parenting #parenteffectivenesstraining #sandiegomom #parentingclasses #emotionalawareness #raisethechildchangetheworld #hitpause See less
This is a big one! If you want your child to tell This is a big one! If you want your child to tell you the big things, it's tricky if they hear you judge others. They may not think you will accept their own truths and stop sharing with you. 

One of the most powerful ways of showing acceptance is Active Listening. When a child expresses a problem, try not to offer advice, solutions or analyze. Just listen, reflect back what you hear, and watch them continue to think the problem through on their own. 

One of the most powerful ways of showing acceptance is Active Listening. When a child expresses a problem, try not to offer advice or solutions or analyze. Just listen, reflect back what you hear and watch them continue to think the problem through on their own. 

Sign up below:
https://respectfulparent.com/pet-course/ #parenteffectivenesstraining #sandiegomoms #sandiegoparentingclasses #attachmentparenting #parentingclasses #rie #respectfulparenting #sandiegoparents #parenteffectivnesstraining #RespectfulParenting #sandiegomom #respectfulparent
Parent Effectiveness Training is made up of a very Parent Effectiveness Training is made up of a very specific set of communication skills that enable parents to positively influence their children’s behavior. It is a blueprint for following the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you.

At the very root of P.E.T. is a belief that children aren’t bad or mischievous; they simply behave in ways that satisfy their particular needs at the moment. A baby cries because he is hungry; four-year-old sticks her hands into a can of paint and spills it on the carpet because she wants to play with the paint, to explore; a sixteen-year-old comes home later than you feel is safe because he feels a need to be with his friends.

Children have the right to meet their needs, but parents do too. It is in meeting these conflicting needs that most parent/child relationships get into trouble. Some parents insist on obedience from their children, so they get their needs met at the expense of the children meeting theirs’. Other parents, wishing to spare their children any hurt and aggravation, give in and let their children get their way, but then the parents suffer. Either way, someone is left feeling resentful of the other. It is this constant cycle of power struggles and the subsequent pent-up resentments that result that slowly begin to erode the parent/child relationship.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. There is a third option: Both parents and children can get their needs met. 

Learn More or Sign up:
Online Course Starting Tuesday Mornings March 25th - May 20th
9:30am - 12:30pm Pacific Time
https://respectfulparent.com/pet-course/
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