Toddlers are Capable of More Than You Think

  – by Elizabeth B

I am a first-time mom to a curious, adventurous 14-month-old girl. It seems like every day she tries something different … intent on exploring her world. More times than not, when I watch her attempting a new toddler feat, I have this conversation with myself:

Worried me: “Oh no, she’s not able to do that yet. I need to help/stop her.”

Trusting me: “Wait … WHY do I think she can’t do this?”

Worried me: “Because she’s only 14 months old! She is too unaware of the world. These other parents nearby are going to think I’m crazy for letting her do this!”

Trusting me: “She’s capable of more than you think. Let’s give her a shot at this one…”

Usually, I’m able to swallow my anxiety and give my girl space to try. Sometimes I’ll come closer to her to spot her, but usually, she lets me know “MOM – I got this. You can back off.”

A classic example of this scenario just recently took place at our neighborhood park. There is a “baby” play structure and a “big kid” play structure. L had long since mastered the “baby” slides and had taken to crawling over to the bigger area. Historically I had picked her up and taken her back to the smaller area saying “You’re very interested in the big kid slide, but that’s not safe for you yet.”

One day last week, we had the whole playground to ourselves, when L started her trek over to the big kid’s area. I was about to pick her up when the trusting mom in my head told me “let’s just see where this goes.” So I trailed her as she started the ascent up the 20 or so stairs on the big kid area.

Once at the top, my girl crawled directly over to a 20 ft, extra steep slide. “Oh no. That slide is WAY too big for her” my worried mom voice said. The anxiety started to creep in when my husband walked over to spot her at the bottom and talked me into seeing what she wanted to do.

Without a moment’s hesitation, L turned around, slipped her feet behind her and waved “bye bye” as she slid down. She looked up at me with the world’s biggest smile and at no point was she even close to any harm.

Then she did it about 20 more times in a row.

It makes me sad a little when I see toddlers redirected, “helped” and told they’re too little to try something, only because I KNOW from watching my little girl that they are capable of so much more than we give them credit for. L proves me wrong every day by showing me what she can do.

But I also know that as a parent it can be almost painful to take even the smallest chance of danger in order to give your child some space to try new things. The thought that you might be able to somehow prevent them from feeling pain is an alluring prospect.

RIE has helped me win over the “worried mom” voice in my head and give L opportunities – like going down the big slide before she can even walk – to try, sometimes fail and often succeed all on her own. My hope is that these little defeats or victories will add up over a lifetime to create a confident, self-assured person who isn’t afraid to make herself vulnerable in order to grow.

Here’s a challenge to you parents out there. Next time your child wants to try something new and your initial response is “NO!!! Let me do that for you.” Wait, breathe and give them a chance.

For more, read this article from Janet Lansbury: http://www.janetlansbury.com/2011/09/dont-cramp-your-toddlers-style-the-power-of-trust/