We struggled with a picky eater before we started using Parenting Effectiveness Training (PET) with Kelly, dinner was something my husband and I came to dread. Out of five children, we have two picky eaters, ages 4 and 6, and no one wants to be responsible for the event that will orchestrate their biggest tantrum of the day. Feeding our kids gave us so much anxiety because neither of us wanted to plan… and thus we planned to fail. The truth is, we just didn’t know how to handle the situation because when our boys were younger, they ate pretty much everything I put in front of them as young children.
“All Behavior is a Comunication of an Unmet Need.”
-Kelly Meier, guest on The Nourished Child, Episode 97
What We Did
When I told Kelly about how our daughters were the pickiest eaters on the planet, she immediately said my situation reminded her of a podcast that she recorded with Jill Castle, Episode 097. This specific podcast spoke to us as parents on a personal level and got to the root of our food woes. In our situation, we couldn’t see that our girls were not feeling heard or as if they were a part of the solution. They were feeling controlled by us. Jill and Kelly talked about the two things you simply can’t control with another person: swallowing food and using the bathroom… and this was causing the power-struggle with meals that we were experiencing.
When we realized that our girls were not feeling heard or validated, we worked hard to change the way we were doing things AND we stopped viewing them as picky eaters. They were simply testing their boundaries and instead of listening for their needs, we were trying to enforce what we wanted — without asking what they wanted. They are whole people, and as much as I talk about goals, I got so busy it didn’t occur to me that my own girls would be taking their goals as seriously as I set mine.
What do you do for your picky eater??
Listen to Episode 97, Parent Effectiveness Training — How to Work With Your Child.
Tara Bosier is the writer of an upcoming book, Raising Chaos, and the mother of five children while working from home as a Communications Director that specializes in small business and public relations.
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