Sibling rivalry tends to be the most challenging aspect of parenting. Witnessing our children hurt each other emotionally, or physically can bring out the worst in them. Plus the kids usually have you outnumbered in these situations and generally speaking, it’s just really hard to give them space to work it out when we’ve seen it take a turn for the worse so many, many times.
Lately, I have been finding my siblings starting to get angry with each other but then SOLVING the problem before it goes to the ugly place. When this happens I try strengthening that muscle by pointing it out and appreciating it. Which builds awareness AND helps them continue the habit.
Last night this happened
Sib 1: YOU CAN NOT HIDE THE POPSICLES!
Sib 2: YOU ALWAYS EAT THE LAST ONE!
Sib 1: I will promise to check if you’ve had one before I take the last one if you stop hiding them.
SIb 2: Ok, but you HAVE to check.
Sib 1: I promise!
ME: Wow, I’m impressed that didn’t turn into an argument! You two are really starting to solve your problems together well! Thank you that really helps!
I decided to point out what I saw because the more they know what IS appreciated the more they feel appreciated and are likely to repeat the behavior. They can see that solving a conflict happens easier when no one is using force and peace happens a lot more. By pointing out things that go well a lot more, it reduces the number of times things go poorly and let’s face it that’s a lot easier than breaking up a fist fight.
Siblings Without Rivalry Book Club starts February 3rd!
Just in case you’d like to live with more peace too!
For More on Sibling Rivalry you might also like:
Sibling Rivalry – by Kids Health
Coping with Sibling Rivalry – by The Center for Parenting Education
Helping Your Children Resolve Their Conflicts – Parent Effectiveness Training
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