If there is anything practical at all about having teenagers, it’s this: buy more spoons. And towels. Because apparently, teenage development comes with stages. While I spend a lot of time teaching parents how to communicate with their teenagers, apparently I still have some work to do on the household silverware situation
It starts in middle school with the Spoon Phase. Then, somewhere around 9th grade, the teenager matures and evolves into the much more advanced Towel Phase.
There appears to be a thief living in our house who specializes in these two items.
The Spoon Phase
The spoons are the biggest mystery. They disappear in the night, never to be seen again.
Occasionally, one turns up behind a bed, under a couch, or in some location that suggests it has been on a journey. But for the most part, they simply vanish. I assume they are being melted down somewhere to create a giant stainless-steel sculpture. Of what, I have no idea. Possibly a teenager.
And when I say buy more spoons, I mean buy sturdy spoons. The kind made by Vikings. The kind that won’t bend when someone is scooping ice cream like they’re operating some kind of crack house.
Because apparently, if you hand a teenager a perfectly normal yet unsubstantial spoon and ask it to perform the very demanding task of removing frozen dairy from a container, it will return to you looking like it has been through a war.
And if you’re lucky, at least you’ll still have a spoon. The thief doesn’t seem to like bent spoons. My advice is to hide these Viking spoons in abundance for when you need them. Then hide a few extra ones only for yourself, somewhere no teenager will ever look. I suggest beneath a loose floorboard in the deepest corner of your bedroom closet. You know, right next to your secret stash of towels.
Welcome to the Towel Phase
Because once they hit high school, the spoon thief apparently gets promoted.
Welcome to the Towel Phase.
We have a lot of towels. Correction: We had a lot of towels. Then we bought more. Then we bought even more. Then we finally got smart and hid a bunch in our bedroom where no one knew they existed. So far, the towel thief hasn’t figured this out. And because of this security measure, I can occasionally take a shower and actually have a towel waiting for me when I get out. It is a small luxury, but at this stage of parenting, we celebrate the small things.
Sometimes there are towels in our house that I did not buy. I have stopped trying to determine where they came from or who they belong to. At this point, I simply use them. I think of them as a gift. Like winning a free spa basket at the back-to-school fundraiser. Apparently, the towel thief occasionally brings things home from other people’s houses. Perhaps he has a guilty conscience. Or perhaps this is simply how the teenager economy works.
The First Day of School
Today, for the first time, as my kids went back to school, I took a shower knowing exactly where my towel was located. Granted, it was a beach towel I hadn’t seen in months. But it was mine. And I had found it.
I realize that, as my youngest starts high school, I may now be responsible for a little transference. I may be passing the Spoon and Towel Tax on to the next generation. But when inspiration strikes, I write.
My SEO genie tells me I should be posting at least twice a month. Apparently, the internet would like me to have a content strategy.
That’s adorable.
I write when I have the creative space in my brain to actually write something I want to say. And what better day to let it all out than the first day of school, when the house is suddenly quiet, everyone has left, and I have, for the first time in months, a towel exactly where I left it?
And Yes, I Teach Parenting Classes
So, you may be wondering: Will this post actually help you parent your teenager?
No.
Will it teach you how to communicate better, avoid power struggles, or navigate conflict with your teen?
Also no.
But it did make me feel better. So thanks for that.
There are days when parenting teenagers feels like you’re supposed to be teaching them responsibility, independence, and life skills. And then there are days when you stand in your bathroom, glad you didn’t have to sprint naked across the house, and think:
I have achieved something today.
Welcome back to school.
And good luck finding your towels.
You May Also Like:
Back to School Tips with A Pro
My Favorite Overall Book on Teen Development
Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain – Dr. Dan Siegel
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