Next Course Starting June 16th. Sign Up!

Respectful Parent

Parent Effectiveness Training, San Diego Parenting Classes

  • Home
  • About Kelly
    • Parenting Philosophy
    • What You Will Learn
    • Testimonials
  • Services
    • Classes & Workshops
    • Personal Coaching
    • Speaking Engagements
  • Resources
    • Parenting Books
    • Children’s Books
    • Thoughtful Independent Play Toys & Gift Guide
    • Awesome Parenting Gear
  • Free Consult
  • Contact
  • Blog
  • Privacy Policy

When Siblings Fight…

May 31, 2014

carson and anna no riceIt is easy to get caught up in the challenging moments.  The moments that make you want to pull your hair out and lock yourself in your room, but when you have a really awesome moment, well, that rocks your socks off.

Today my kids were fighting over who got to go with Dad in his truck. It was early still, I’d only had one cup of coffee when my son hit my daughter.  She pushed him back, he hit her harder, she cried, and by the time I got there my daughter, 2, was  trying to retaliate again.  I stopped her and instead offered her my lap and just let her cry.  My son, 5, told me what happened and why he did it.  I said “You both really want to go with dad.”  They both nodded.  I consoled my daughter who was still crying.  My son looked at his sister and said “I’m sorry, A. Will you forgive me?”  A resounding and high pitched “NO!” was given in response, which sent him into a fit of tears. I sympathized with him, “She’s not ready.  She’s still upset.”

My son disappeared while I held my crying daughter on my lap, and as the crying quieted down my son came in with her favorite bunny.  He gently handed it to her and she smiled faintly.  I opened up one of my arms to him and he sat down next to his sister, his head against hers.  After a moment, she turned to him, stretched out her arms and he leaned in to accept her hug of forgiveness.  They sat there with me for several long moments intertwined in each others arms and I felt such tenderness towards them.

Then my son tilted his sweet little head up to me and said “Mommy, you stink.  I think you should go brush your teeth.”  My daughter nodded in agreement “Yeah Mama, you do.”  And that was that.

 

 

If you want to learn more about fostering empathy you might also like:

3 Words You Should Say to Your Children by Emily Plank, Abundand Life Children

You’ll Be Sorry- Children and Apologies by Janet Lansbury, Elevating Childcare

Categories: Family & Siblings Comment / Share

« Book Review: It’s OK Not to Share
Whining, stuttering and distraction – 3 changes that transformed how I communicate with my 2 year old. »

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Your journey for better parenting starts here! Sign up for our newsletter and get expert advice on effective parenting techniques delivered to your inbox.

Topics

  • babies
  • Behavior & Discipline
  • Big Kids (6-12)
  • Development
  • education
  • Emotional Health & Safety
  • Family & Siblings
  • Feeding & Nutrition
  • Hygiene & Potty
  • Physical Health & Safety
  • Play & Education
  • Pregnancy & Fertility
  • preschoolers (age 3- 5)
  • Sleep
  • Teens
  • Toddlers




Classes & Workshops

Classes & Workshops — Bringing parents together to have more confidence in parenting...even when it's hard. Book your seat now →

Personal Coaching

Set up a one-on-one session for your unique situation & start implementing strategies confidently and quickly. Request a free consultation →

Speaking Engagements

Ask Kelly to talk at your school, workplace, place of worship or other community event. Learn More →




Your journey for better parenting starts here! We will guide you & mentor you for maintaining better relationships with your kids. Sign up for our newsletter and get tips & expert advice on effective parenting techniques delivered to your inbox.

Daily Parenting Inspiration

“My child is not giving me a hard time… my child i “My child is not giving me a hard time…
my child is having a hard time.”

That one shift changes everything.

Less: “Why are they doing this?”
More: “What’s going on for them?”

Hard behavior is often just… hard feelings.

When we see the struggle,
we respond differently.

Less reacting.
More supporting. 💛 #respectfulparent #sandiegomoms #parenteffectivenesstraining #attachmentparenting #rie #PositiveParenting #parentingtips #DefianceOrMisunderstanding
“I didn’t say it was your fault… I said I blame yo “I didn’t say it was your fault…
I said I blame you.” 😅

When kids blame, it feels personal.

But it’s usually not about being right…
it’s about letting out big feelings.

Blame =
“I’m frustrated.”
“I’m overwhelmed.”

Before correcting, try connecting:

“You’re really upset.”
“That was hard.”

Less defending.
More understanding. 💛
“Children do well when they can.” So when they’re “Children do well when they can.”

So when they’re not…
It’s not about won’t.
It’s about can’t (yet).

Less: “Why are they acting like this?”
More: “What’s getting in their way?”

Skills take time.
Emotions get big.
Brains get overwhelmed.

And in those moments,
they don’t need perfection…

They need curiosity - not furiosity. 😋💛

Yup, I made up a word.

#respectfulparent #childrendowellwhentheycan #drrossgreen #parenteffectivenesstraining
End of school = chaos… Then suddenly… no structure End of school = chaos…
Then suddenly… no structure 😅

Or camp… to camp… to camp.

Summer is fun ☀️
But it can also mean:
more pushback
more “I’m bored”
more sibling stuff
more BIG feelings

And when routines change, behavior usually does too.

The good news?
You don’t need more control… you need better tools.

✨ listen without shutting them down
✨ set limits without the battles
✨ handle big emotions (theirs + yours)

Less surviving
More thriving

My summer Parent Effectiveness Training class is coming up 💛
Drop a ☀️ and I’ll send details!

 #respectfulparent #sandiegomoms #parentingtips #parentingmiddleschoolers #PositiveParenting #attachmentparenting #rie #parenteffectivenesstraining #RespectfulParenting
Oof. This is a hard one sometimes! Share your exam Oof. This is a hard one sometimes! Share your examples of a time this happened 🙏🏼🙈
I'm just reading the book "Untangled -Guiding Teen I'm just reading the book "Untangled -Guiding Teenage Girls Through The Seven Transitions into Adulthood" by @lisa.damour ,  and I love it. This one struck a chord with me so I thought I'd share. It's from the section "The Pull of Popular."

What does “popular” actually mean?

Because when you look a little closer, the kids who seem the most “popular” aren’t always the most liked. Sometimes, their influence comes from social power, not genuine connection. And that can come with a lot of pressure—on everyone.

This can be a powerful conversation to have with your child.

Not in a lecture-y way, but with curiosity:
“Do kids actually like being around her, or are they worried about being on her bad side?”
“What makes a friendship feel good to you?”

Helping kids think beyond popularity and toward the quality of their friendships gives them something much steadier to stand on.

Because in the long run, feeling safe, accepted, and able to be yourself matters a whole lot more than being “popular" and then you may just hit that sweet spot of being "popular" because you are well liked!

 #parentingtips #sandiegomoms #respectfulparent #raisingteenagegirls #parentingmiddleschoolgirls
We have dreams for our kids. The friends we hope We have dreams for our kids.

The friends we hope they choose.
The sports we hope they love.
The grades we hope they earn.
The path we quietly map out in our minds…

And then they grow.
And they choose.

Sometimes differently than we imagined.

And that’s where it gets uncomfortable.

Because the real question becomes:
Are we raising children who follow our path…
or children who can find their own?

Letting go doesn’t mean stepping back completely.
It means shifting roles.

From director ➡️ to guide
From fixing ➡️ to listening
From telling ➡️ to being available

It means offering wisdom when it’s invited,
and trusting them enough to figure some things out on their own.

That’s not easy.

But that’s where confidence is built.
That’s where ownership grows.
That’s where they become themselves.

Not a version of us.

If this hits home, this is exactly the kind of skill we work on in Parent Effectiveness Training—how to support your kids without shutting them down.
My next class starts in less than two weeks:
☀️ Tuesday Mornings
🗓️ April 7th – May 26th
⏰ 9:30 am – 12:30 pm (Pacific Time)
📚 Eight classes
And of course, I'm still working on this!

Reg info in first comments/bio 👇👇
My daughter was venting to me about a recent pract My daughter was venting to me about a recent practice…
and of course, I did what many of us do.

I offered a solution, "I mean, you don't really need to go next time; it's optional." 

Her response?

“Mom… I just need to complain, not fix it. I'm still going.”

…Heard. 😅

It was such a good reminder.

When kids come to us upset, our instinct is to help. To fix. To make it better. But sometimes all of our great ideas land like this:

🚪 door closes
😶 conversation over

Because what they actually needed wasn’t a solution.
It was space.

Space to vent.
Space to feel heard.
Space to figure it out themselves.

And when we jump in too quickly with advice, it can unintentionally send the message:
“You can’t handle this.”
or
“Your feelings need fixing.”

Even when that’s the last thing we mean.

Sometimes the most helpful thing we can say is:
“That sounds really frustrating.”
“Ugh, that’s tough.”
“I’m here.”

That’s it.

No fixing. No coaching. No life lesson.

Just connection. 💛

(Still practicing this over here, by the way 🙋‍♀️)

If this hits home, this is exactly the kind of skill we work on in Parent Effectiveness Training—how to support your kids without shutting them down.

My next class starts in less than two weeks:

☀️ Tuesday Mornings
🗓️ April 7th – May 26th
⏰ 9:30 am – 12:30 pm (Pacific Time)
📚 Eight classes
And of course, I did what many of us do.
Reg info in first comment 👇👇

Come learn how to listen in a way that actually keeps your kids talking.

 #PositiveParenting #parentingclasses #ParentEffectivenessTraining #respectfulparent #rie #attachmentparenting #sandiegomoms #parentingtips
Follow on Instagram




  • Privacy Policy
  • Free Consult

© 2026 Respectful Parent · All Rights Reserved.

  • Facebook
  • Instagram