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When Siblings Fight…

May 31, 2014

carson and anna no riceIt is easy to get caught up in the challenging moments.  The moments that make you want to pull your hair out and lock yourself in your room, but when you have a really awesome moment, well, that rocks your socks off.

Today my kids were fighting over who got to go with Dad in his truck. It was early still, I’d only had one cup of coffee when my son hit my daughter.  She pushed him back, he hit her harder, she cried, and by the time I got there my daughter, 2, was  trying to retaliate again.  I stopped her and instead offered her my lap and just let her cry.  My son, 5, told me what happened and why he did it.  I said “You both really want to go with dad.”  They both nodded.  I consoled my daughter who was still crying.  My son looked at his sister and said “I’m sorry, A. Will you forgive me?”  A resounding and high pitched “NO!” was given in response, which sent him into a fit of tears. I sympathized with him, “She’s not ready.  She’s still upset.”

My son disappeared while I held my crying daughter on my lap, and as the crying quieted down my son came in with her favorite bunny.  He gently handed it to her and she smiled faintly.  I opened up one of my arms to him and he sat down next to his sister, his head against hers.  After a moment, she turned to him, stretched out her arms and he leaned in to accept her hug of forgiveness.  They sat there with me for several long moments intertwined in each others arms and I felt such tenderness towards them.

Then my son tilted his sweet little head up to me and said “Mommy, you stink.  I think you should go brush your teeth.”  My daughter nodded in agreement “Yeah Mama, you do.”  And that was that.

 

 

If you want to learn more about fostering empathy you might also like:

3 Words You Should Say to Your Children by Emily Plank, Abundand Life Children

You’ll Be Sorry- Children and Apologies by Janet Lansbury, Elevating Childcare

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Daily Parenting Inspiration

My youngest finished 8th grade yesterday; my oldes My youngest finished 8th grade yesterday; my oldest will be a senior, and that has me feeling lots of things!

 Here are my thoughts:
My job as a parent is changing.
One child is about to become a senior in high school, and the other is starting high school, and somewhere along the way, I crossed into a whole new phase of parenting: preparing my kids for adulthood.

These days, parenting feels less like managing every detail and more like slowly stepping back so they can learn to manage their own lives. Which sounds beautiful and inspiring until you’re sitting in the passenger seat while your teenager says, “I got it,” approaching a yellow light. 😵‍💫

We’ve entered the season of job applications, making appointments, missed alarms, learning lessons the hard way, and me trying very hard not to immediately swoop in.

And honestly? It’s emotional.
Because while they’re becoming more independent, I’m also realizing I get to start thinking about what’s next for me too. My goals, my work, my marriage, my next chapter.
This phase feels a little like letting go with one hand while reaching forward with the other. 

I get to just be their friend a lot more while making sure they'll be a good roommate and spouse in the near future.

I'm close to working myself out of job and I honestly think I'm ready for it!

#parentingteens #parenteffectivenesstraining #growingupfast
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my child is having a hard time.”

That one shift changes everything.

Less: “Why are they doing this?”
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Hard behavior is often just… hard feelings.

When we see the struggle,
we respond differently.

Less reacting.
More supporting. 💛 #respectfulparent #sandiegomoms #parenteffectivenesstraining #attachmentparenting #rie #PositiveParenting #parentingtips #DefianceOrMisunderstanding
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I said I blame you.” 😅

When kids blame, it feels personal.

But it’s usually not about being right…
it’s about letting out big feelings.

Blame =
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Before correcting, try connecting:

“You’re really upset.”
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Less defending.
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“Children do well when they can.” So when they’re “Children do well when they can.”

So when they’re not…
It’s not about won’t.
It’s about can’t (yet).

Less: “Why are they acting like this?”
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Skills take time.
Emotions get big.
Brains get overwhelmed.

And in those moments,
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They need curiosity - not furiosity. 😋💛

Yup, I made up a word.

#respectfulparent #childrendowellwhentheycan #drrossgreen #parenteffectivenesstraining
End of school = chaos… Then suddenly… no structure End of school = chaos…
Then suddenly… no structure 😅

Or camp… to camp… to camp.

Summer is fun ☀️
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more “I’m bored”
more sibling stuff
more BIG feelings

And when routines change, behavior usually does too.

The good news?
You don’t need more control… you need better tools.

✨ listen without shutting them down
✨ set limits without the battles
✨ handle big emotions (theirs + yours)

Less surviving
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My summer Parent Effectiveness Training class is coming up 💛
Drop a ☀️ and I’ll send details!

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Oof. This is a hard one sometimes! Share your exam Oof. This is a hard one sometimes! Share your examples of a time this happened 🙏🏼🙈
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What does “popular” actually mean?

Because when you look a little closer, the kids who seem the most “popular” aren’t always the most liked. Sometimes, their influence comes from social power, not genuine connection. And that can come with a lot of pressure—on everyone.

This can be a powerful conversation to have with your child.

Not in a lecture-y way, but with curiosity:
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Helping kids think beyond popularity and toward the quality of their friendships gives them something much steadier to stand on.

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The path we quietly map out in our minds…

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Sometimes differently than we imagined.

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It means offering wisdom when it’s invited,
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That’s not easy.

But that’s where confidence is built.
That’s where ownership grows.
That’s where they become themselves.

Not a version of us.

If this hits home, this is exactly the kind of skill we work on in Parent Effectiveness Training—how to support your kids without shutting them down.
My next class starts in less than two weeks:
☀️ Tuesday Mornings
🗓️ April 7th – May 26th
⏰ 9:30 am – 12:30 pm (Pacific Time)
📚 Eight classes
And of course, I'm still working on this!

Reg info in first comments/bio 👇👇
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